Wisdom Finds the End of Me

The Christmas festivities were over. The tree lights were turned off, and a blissful, satisfying feeling of exhaustion set in as my head hit the pillow. The bliss and satisfaction were soon awakened and diverted by approximately five hundred sneezes and a feeling of cement in my head. As I got up to get tissues I quickly realized that my knee felt injured, shooting excruciating pain at every turn and with every step. Over the week, the illness subsided but the knee pain has not. (MRI coming soon.) At first, it was annoying, but as it now affects my ability to help Wyndham without facing debilitating pain, it has at times felt unbearable. Several nights ago, the pain wouldn’t stop. While I wish I could share that I felt complete trust and assurance that God was faithfully listening and working on our behalf, to be honest, my thoughts went more like this:
God, aren’t we dealing with hard enough stuff already? Now, this. Really? Are you trying to crush us? I’ve got nothing, God. Really, nothing.  I feel utterly and completely helpless. That sad mess was my “prayer.”

I wasn’t sure if my pillow was wet from the tears, or from the newly acquired conjunctivitis. (I don’t share this stuff to garner sympathy [prayers are always appreciated, though], but to share raw and real thoughts…and how God entered the picture.)

Normally, I like and strive to live life with a “glass-half-full” perspective instead of a “glass half empty” point of view. Most often, I rely on God’s love, count on hope, and feel deeply thankful. However, during this time my glass was not half full. It was not even half empty. It was dry as a bone—completely empty. It wasn’t pretty, but, that’s when God showed up in full force. Oh, he had been there, it’s just that I couldn’t fully feel his presence until I was utterly depleted…I’ve got nothing. I’m completely helpless. Yet, as I leaned into the suffering and cried out to God, I found I was soon leaning on Jesus. He had appeared in the suffering—as in an epiphany. Seldom, if ever,  had I experienced at this depth the ways God uses suffering to bring us into his presence. A deep presence. Presence that fills our soul–one that, if you will, “sees God.” One that convinces us what is truly important—the only thing that matters. One that tells us eternity has started. One that inspires. One that convicts. One that takes us to our knees before him. His presence became deeper, and I’m grateful. As C.S. Lewis writes, “We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains;”

Suffering empties us, carrying us to the broken place where God can fill us. While I hate the pain of watching Wyndham’s body deteriorate with his disease, I marvel at ways God is working (often unbeknownst to us) through this suffering. I don’t know the answers to all this, but observe that God is emptying us so that we can be more fully filled; so that we can truly see him, in his magnificent glory. There is nothing more filling, or fulfilling than this.

Paul, in Galatians 4, refers to his bodily ailment. His suffering, which he begged God to take from him in 2 Corinthians 12, caused him to see with clarity the only things that matter…as he confides in the Galatians in 4:19 (RSV) that he is in travail for them until Christ is formed in them. Christ formed in us. This is the goal.

There are so many ways I can think of that we could be more useful to God without the suffering—as they keep us from many possibilities. Wyndham exhibits wisdom as he trusts that God completes the end of him. God is enough. I long to carry this wisdom with me, so that Christ may shine more brightly through me.

As I lay on my bed and wept, feeling depleted and useless, I was reminded by Paul that wisdom finds the end of ourselves…so that God can take it from there, where we can see and feel him.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,
and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength
he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,
far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. (Ephesians 1:17-21)

May we all see him clearer, as we find the end of ourselves and watch God take over, through our weakness—to somehow make us strong.

 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

Wisdom is a Perfect Spiral

by Randy Jordan

The college years seem a long time ago, but some memories have never faded. There were so many things that made our campus ministry days at the Crossroads Church of Christ so very special. One of them was “Brothers Football” – an epic contest that took place each Saturday morning during the fall on a recreation field at the University of Florida. I can’t remember who won or lost, but I have never forgotten Wyndham Shaw at quarterback. I am sure his teams won more than their fair share of games, but it was the way he threw the football that has always stood out to me. He threw a perfect spiral with pinpoint accuracy. The ball seemed to always be between the numbers of the receiver, and the deep throws were uncanny in avoiding the cornerback’s efforts to block the pass. His spiral was somehow easy to catch, and his completion percentage was high. He seemed to see the playing field like few others. Wyndham was never flashy, but he was always very, very good. 

I have thought many times about how to describe a lifetime of knowing Wyndham and now realize that the perfect spiral is the perfect metaphor.  The Crossroads Church sent out many campus ministers during those early years and It was inspiring to hear the stories filter back from time-to-time. Wyndham (and Jeanie) were among those courageous campus ministers, and I marveled at not only the way his ministries grew in North Carolina and West Virginia, but also the caliber of those who chose to receive from Wyndham the perfect spiral of the Gospel. I am so grateful for friends like Doug Arthur, Doug Jacoby, Scott Green, Sam Powell, Gary Knutson, and Dave Malutinok who in many ways started their faith journeys in those ministries.

At one particularly vulnerable time in my faith, I felt unsettled about the changing landscape of our fellowship of churches.  By that time Wyndham had made his way to the ministry staff of the growing Boston Church of Christ. I ran into Wyndham at a regional conference in Atlanta and shared with him my doubts, fears, and concerns. He once again responded with a perfect spiral that extended beyond my doubts and fears and landed in my heart (right between the numbers). I felt such relief after learning from Wyndham’s clear judgment and wise advice. I was free to make some very important decisions that forever changed the destiny of our family’s spiritual journey.

It was a great joy to be reunited with Wyndham and Jeanie in 1996 when I was asked to become General Counsel at HOPE worldwide. The Shaws, as Geographic HOPE Leaders, were part of HOPE worldwide’s leadership team at the time and we were blessed to meet regularly together. No matter my anxieties about taking on new responsibilities, Wyndham always seemed to have the right thing to say to give me encouragement and faith. Wyndham’s wisdom showed up in every one of our leadership decisions – another perfect spiral.

Wyndham’s positive influence also extended to helping me as an elder in the Philadelphia Church. Wyndham was only a call away as our eldership faced many challenging circumstances. He helped us retain the confidence that God will always work for good so long as we remain faithful to His will. It was so comforting to hear Wyndham describe how he had addressed a similar situation when we were convinced that the challenge we were experiencing was the only one like it in the world. His answers always seemed perfect for the moment.   suspect Wyndham in humility would disagree, but that’s how it felt to me.

I am so thankful for Wyndham’s perfect spirals through the past five decades. Brother, I am still learning from you and will be eternally grateful.  With respect and love!

Wisdom Builds Memories

It was to be the perfect anniversary gift. Wyndham and I would be celebrating 44 years of marriage, and I had an idea for the perfect gift for him—a particularly meaningful gift. I wanted this gift to be extra special because, with Wyndham’s disease, we never know if we will get to celebrate another year. (Really, none of us know this.) When we were married, on December 14, 1974, technology was different than it is today. We were hi-tech though; we had an audio cassette tape made of our wedding. We also have a collection of wedding picture proofs, though could not afford to buy the pictures. So, my idea was this: Take our proofs and our audio cassette to someone who could make a video from the proofs and the cassette. I found someone who could transfer the tape to MP3, and Melissa found someone who could put the video together. I knew Wyndham would love this, as it would bring such meaningful, precious memories to life. He would cry, as tears come quite easily these days, but would be so encouraged. Wyndham has always been an exceptional memory builder.

I gathered the pictures and went downstairs to grab the cassette, stored in the special place of safe-keeping. I hadn’t looked in this particular cabinet in the basement for at least a decade, so I was eager to listen to the tape again—if I could find a cassette recorder.

The cassette tape wasn’t there. In fact, it was nowhere to be found (and, for faithful blog readers; no, it was not in the freezer). After hours of searching, I realized this was not meant to be. (My best guess is that the cassette was in a tape recorder we had owned, which was thrown out years ago.) While I was searching, I found a forgotten box of VCR’s full of precious memories—things like Jacob’s last day in Romania and his arrival in the US twenty years ago. I thought about how I should transfer these videos to CD’s, but then asked myself, “why?” Do I really need to possess these videos, and do I really need the missing audio cassette tape, or can I just close my eyes- and remember. I did just that; closed my eyes and brought back precious memories. I didn’t need a tape player, I just needed to focus and take the needed time to reflect.

Memories are powerful. Some bring warm feelings, while others bring angst and sorrow. For some, certain memories bring trauma. God gave us an amazing capacity to remember sounds, smells, and feelings associated with events. Mary, mother of Jesus, treasured an all-important memory that affected her life, and ours:
But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19). The message she treasured in her heart contained life-changing words—some glorious, some frightening, and some that would one day pierce her soul.

Many times, we must choose the memories we allow to roll through our minds as we strive to follow Romans 12:21, and overcome evil with good. For those with painful memories, this is hard work and only possible through the power of God’s Spirit and the focus on His Word. One family I know makes new memories by celebrating a day of “good deeds’ and “paying it forward” on every anniversary of their son’s death. When we treasure and remember God’s instructions, we choose wisely. When we remember God’s Word, write it on our hands, and etch it in our hearts. we know wisdom.

 Dear friend, do what I tell you; treasure my careful instructions.
 Do what I say and you’ll live well. My teaching is as precious as your eyesight—guard it!
 Write it out on the back of your hands; etch it on the chambers of your heart.
 Talk to Wisdom as to a sister. Treat Insight as your companion. (Proverbs 7:1-4 MSG)

We use wisdom when we build precious memories. As we were recently talking with our kids of Christmas memories, they remember many things—traditions and certain foods they still count on. We do well to think of ways we can purposely build precious memories. While we more often think of ways we build memories with a spouse or with children—what memories are we building with God? Do we build special times with him conversing in prayer, reading aloud his words to us, acknowledging and meditating on the power of his working, standing in awe of his creation, and worshiping him in song? These are memories we can call to mind when we grow weary or our faith is weak.

At times, I have been so busy trying to frame and capture a moment that I missed the moment. We might lose all pictures and precious documents in a  house fire or computer crash, but no one (as long as our mind functions) can take precious memories. As we celebrate the holidays, wisdom would have us build precious memories—with God and with others. What better way to overcome difficult memories, celebrate a lost loved one, or build deeper unity and joy?

As for the special anniversary gift—it’s still coming. For the soundtrack, I am using “our song” of over four decades, “On Top of the World” by the Carpenters. And, we are using a favorite poem by Edgar Guest that was read by Sam Laing at our wedding  (and for this project read by our children…at least I think that was their secret plan). The poem, entitled “It Takes a Heap O’ Living” is about making memories. A few of the lines concerning precious (though difficult) memories read  (when changed to modern English) :

For these are scenes that grip the heart, and when your tears are dried,

You find the home is dearer than it was—and sanctified;

And tugging at you always are the pleasant memories…

May you build precious memories with God and with others during this holiday season. Store them in your heart so they are readily available to fill your soul with deeper faith and abiding joy.

But, shhhh, don’t tell Wyndham about his gift. It won’t be ready until Christmas.

Wisdom Stands Amazed

We have developed a rhythm lately. For those who know Wyndham well, rhythm does not come to him naturally. (He may have been known to clap or dance to the beat of a different drummer.) However, the kind of rhythm I am meaning concerns the repetition of daily tasks (on purpose) that were once done without thought. Now, all activities—eating, sleeping, moving (really, everything) take strategic forethought. After much practice (as in learning to play an instrument) we have developed a rhythm for the essentials of daily life that works—at least for now. Because life repeats these same rhythms day after day, it’s easy to let life become routine. Since there is no more travel, nor going out for activities—the rhythm is much the same each day. Though circumstances may be different, I venture to say we are not alone in the temptation to let life become routine. It’s far too easy to miss the wonder that each day brings, even amidst challenges. 

What kind of “wonder” is found in daily difficult and challenging circumstances you may ask. If you don’t ask, I have certainly asked this question. At the beginning of this year, I chose a Scripture that I would strive to remember and put into practice each day–Mark 10:32. Earlier in this chapter, Jesus is pursued by crowds and (per his custom) teaches them. Pharisees then come and test him with questions about divorce, and next, his disciples try to send children away. Jesus not only calls the children back but corrects the disciples. He then confronts the materialist heart of a rich man and promises the disciples that they will receive abundant spiritual blessings for that which they give up. As we reach verse 32, Jesus is headed to Jerusalem, where he knows he will face death.

They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were afraid. Again he took the Twelve aside and told them what was going to happen to him. (Mark 10:32)

Originally, I had picked this verse because I thought it meant that those who followed close to Jesus were amazed, while those who followed further behind were afraid. While there is much truth in this application, the verse refers to Jesus’ disciples, who had been walking with him, as being both amazed and afraid. They were amazed at Jesus’ life, his teachings, his boldness, his love, his promises, and also his courage—as he was walking toward suffering. However, the fear likely arose because they were walking with him toward suffering.

No matter what I may be experiencing or anticipating, it’s normal to feel some fear—but it is far better to stay amazed with Jesus! Within the rhythm of each day there is so much to be amazed by—I just must remember to see it. When the rhythm of our life becomes routine, even when it’s busy and exciting we can cease to be amazed with Jesus. We then lose faith. Every day I try to purposely notice and acknowledge the vastness of creation, from the stars to the intricacies of the spider web which I need to sweep off of the ceiling. I marvel at the breeds of dogs at the dog park across the street and the flock of thirty-plus wild turkeys around the corner.  I am humbled to see new life, remembering my neighbor who just brought her new baby home. I am amazed at hearts that I see changing around me because of the power of the Word of God and the power of persistent love. I see the sunset, and sometimes the sunrise and it’s not only gorgeous, but never the same.  I’m currently reading a book on Science and the Bible that blows my mind as I learn more about the majesty of God. I see “Godincidences,” which some might call coincidences in many areas. Most amazingly, I (we) feel peace that passes human understanding and joy that no one can take. If I don’t intentionally stand amazed, then fear can waft in.

When I stand amazed, my rhythm becomes anything but routine. For when I believe, I see the wonder of God at work, such as Jesus told Mary in John 11:40 (NRSV).

⁴Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

What amazes you? Life becomes anything but routine when we stand amazed—and watch and wait in expectation as we observe God at work. Wisdom stands amazed. Fear sits forgetful.

  In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. (Psalm 5:3) 

Wisdom to Feel Blessed and Thankful

Today’s post is intended to say “thank you” to each of you who take the time to read these Wednesday words, week after week. Your words of encouragement, your prayers, and your comradery with us mean more than I can express. Thank you, dear friends and readers, for lovingly sharing in our journey. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for the ways you allow God to use your life to give to others. Thank you for being you. Thank you. This sign on our bedroom wall expresses well my heart. Blessed. Thankful. 

It often feels vulnerable to share some of the innermost thoughts of my soul in writing. I probably would have stopped writing these blogs months ago were it not for your encouragement. Though writing is often therapeutic for me and helpful in processing thoughts, it is also at times difficult (and brings on very late nights most Tuesdays). I write these thoughts primarily to honor a man of integrity and wisdom (who is also the love of my life). I also hope to express some of the wisdom I have gained from him (and many of you) in ways that can offer practical life lessons for growing in wisdom.

Physically, days are difficult for Wyndham (and for me as a caregiver). Spiritually and emotionally, “blessed” and “thankful” are the most appropriate words I can find to describe what we feel. God has abundantly blessed us, and we are so grateful to him for his loving-kindness, and for our family and friends. Thank you, and have a wonderful “blessed and thankful” Thanksgiving.