Tag Archives: hope

Three Years and God Still Holds the World

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Three of my granddaughters had just left our house. It was their bedtime, so their mom had taken them home. I did not know it would be the last time they would see their Papa alive, though I was well aware that every day was a gift. I then adjusted Wyndham’s medical equipment, kissed him goodnight, and slipped into the way-too-empty king-sized bed placed alongside his hospital bed, which had been his home for eight months.

I recounted the lyrics to the songs the girls had just sung to him. Not only did the words comfort him, but they also comforted me. One of the songs kept going through my head.

He’s got the whole world, in his hands.

He’s got the whole world, in his hands.

He’s got the whole world, in his hands.

He’s got the whole world in his hands.

As they sang more verses, they substituted the names of every family member, both human and canine, in place of “the whole world.”  What a profound message of truth they sang.

That was three years ago. November 21, 2019. This would be his last day on earth.

Each year, I try to commemorate this day in some special way, always including some form of pay-it-forward. I still don’t know quite what I will do to commemorate the day, but that is okay. I do less planning and orchestrating these days, trying my best to stay in step with the Spirit. Three years later, God still has the whole world in his hands. Thankfully, he holds my hand in his as well.

More than any other emotion, I feel profoundly grateful. I feel thankful to have known, loved, and been loved by Wyndham. I am grateful to be loved by and to love…and to be known by and to know my Abba, Father.

A lot has happened over these last three years, not to mention the life-altering Pandemic we all endured. I try to keep in sync with the Spirit, all the while learning how real those lyrics are – the whole world is, indeed, in his hands. I never know what the new day will bring, but as each day ends I marvel that God holds me. Perhaps this is a reason why I love to watch the sunset over the river. Every day looks different, holding its own beauty. As the sun disappears below the horizon, God’s artistry never disappoints. I reflect on ways God worked throughout the day, sometimes in ways that astound me. I evaluate how I stayed in step or lost rhythm. Some ways he works can make me laugh out loud as his audacious, unimaginable weaving of situations is so remarkably covered with his handprints. These stories include a goose, an eagle, officiating a wedding, and so much more…all remarkable Spirit-involved happenings with crazy back-stories of God at work. Some days are seemingly ordinary, though I still get to breathe his air, experience love, and observe his beauty all around me. Overall, as I reflect on the last three years, several things I’m learning come to mind.

I am learning to make needed space in my life to better hear and see God as I observe and participate in the Spirit at work. It is as delightful as it is scary. I treasure God and my morning walks along the river. Sometimes I talk to him out loud, but mostly I just walk with him and listen. I might ask him how his day is going, as I cannot really imagine some of the emotions he must feel as he watches the world. I hope to bring him joy without not too much frustration. I definitely appreciate and rely on his grace and kindness toward me. I stand amazed that he calls me friend. How do I get to be his friend? I mean, people can’t even score tickets to a Taylor Swift concert, and yet I get to be God’s daughter and friend. Amazing.

I feel so thankful for the ever-presence of God’s mighty, loving hands throughout my transitions over the last three years. I felt him confirming, leading, and comforting me as I retired, sold my house, moved to another state, retooled retirement with a (very) small property business, began work toward a Christian coaching certification, and continue my passion for writing books. I love my new church home here in Connecticut. On the home front, I deeply enjoy my relationships with my kids and grandkids and stay alongside them in schoolwork, as I’m now entering the final year of my spiritual formation doctoral journey which is another definite God-thing. I do geek out sometimes, as full-out nerdiness arises from within because I so love to learn. Every step of the way I need and rely on his guidance, empowerment, and confirmation. I echo Moses’ words in Exodus 33:15, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” I can’t and don’t want to do anything without him.

I still feel sadness, and I am sure that some form of grieving will always be close at hand. The whole world, though in his hands, is not yet made new. There’s a lot of bad and painful stuff out there. I’ve had other friends and family members leave this earth this past year, as have many of you. Even yesterday, I called a friend I have been getting to know since I moved here. We enjoyed deep talks about life and God, and she visited church with me many times. When I texted her, I learned my number had been blocked. I knew she would not intentionally block me, so I felt concerned. I Googled her name only to discover her obituary staring back at me. She had died suddenly a few weeks ago. Sometimes life stinks. In the stink, God still holds me in his hands. It feels safe there, as long as I don’t try to wriggle out.

Over the past three years, I have learned more fully that as a now-single woman, I am not one step removed from God. For this realization, I am deeply grateful, as I believe a distorted view affected me more than I knew. More on that another time.

There is so much God is doing, and I long to join him in his mission. I pray to see the image of God in each person. Tomorrow, as I remember the end of one era and the beginning of a new one for Wyndham and for me, I choose to be thankful. Thank you, God, for the amazing man who was Wyndham, the precious memories I hold, and the family and friends you have given me. Thank you that you will one day, when you return, renew the earth and our bodies. Meanwhile, I am grateful to be held in your hands.

He’s got you and me in his hands. He’s got the whole world in his hands.

 

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 104

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Wisdom Looks for the Miracles

When we see tragedies and evils of life, we can look for the helpers. This message, from television personality and minister Fred Rogers helped many children (and adults) find some comfort after hearing of horrific acts of terrorism that set our country on edge. Mr. Rogers shared that when he, as a child, felts scared by news he heard on television his mother told him to look for the helpers. His message was simple: “My mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” This focus helped many a child find some good amidst the evil. I still try to practice his advice, though I might add that we should not just look for helpers, but become the helpers.

Even more important is to look for the miracles. Life is hard. It’s hard for Wyndham, it’s hard for me, and it’s hard for you—because we live in a fallen world. But, every day I see miracles from God. They are not necessarily ones I have most hoped and pray for, but I see buds blooming on the trees, I feel comfort and love poured into my heart. I see changed lives. I experience peace and have abundant joy. I hear the blending of bird’s voices into beautiful harmony and smell the fragrance of the flowers. I witness the brilliant colors of a sunset out my picture window… all miracles, the workings of God beyond human ability. Do you see miracles every day? Tonight it rained, and I am reminded that this simple drizzle is a miracle, a working of God. I’ll share a few paragraphs from a devotional thought by John Piper on “The Great Work of God: Rain,” using a scripture from Job. At first glance, we might wonder why Job sees rain as a great and unsearchable thing.

But as for me, I would seek God, and I would place my cause before him; who does great and unsearchable things, wonders without number. He gives rain on the earth and sends water on the fields (Job 5:8-10; ESV).

The author continues by asking readers to imagine being a farmer in the Middle East looking up at the sky and hoping for rain to water the crops. Yet, for this to happen:

Water will have to be carried in the sky from the Mediterranean Sea, over several hundred miles and then be poured out from the sky onto the fields. Carried? How much does it weigh? Well, if one inch of rain falls on one square mile of farmland during the night, that would be 27,878,400 cubic feet of water, which is 206,300,160 gallons, which is 1,650,501,280 pounds of water.

 That’s heavy. So how does it get up in the sky and stay up there if it’s so heavy? Well, it gets up there by evaporation. Really? That’s a nice word. What’s it mean? It means that the water sort of stops being water for a while, so it can go up and not down. I see. Then how does it get down? Well, condensation happens. What’s that? The water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide. That’s small.

 What about the salt? Salt? Yes, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water. That would kill the crops. What about the salt? Well, the salt has to be taken out. Oh. So, the sky picks up a billion and a half pounds of water from the sea and takes out the salt and then carries it for three hundred miles and then dumps it on the farm?

 Well it doesn’t dump it. If it dumped a billion and a half pounds of water on the farm, the wheat would be crushed. So, the sky dribbles the billion and a half pounds water down in little drops. And they have to be big enough to fall for one mile or so without evaporating, and small enough to keep from crushing the wheat stalks.

 How do all these microscopic specks of water that weigh a billion pounds get heavy enough to fall (if that’s the way to ask the question)? Well, it’s called coalescence. What’s that? It means the specks of water start bumping into each other and join up and get bigger. And when they are big enough, they fall. Just like that? Well, not exactly, because they would just bounce off each other instead of joining up, if there were no electric field present. What? Never mind. Take my word for it…. I still don’t see why drops ever get to the ground, because if they start falling as soon as they are heavier than air, they would be too small not to evaporate on the way down, but if they wait to come down, what holds them up till they are big enough not to evaporate? Yes, I am sure there is a name for that too. But I am satisfied now that, by any name, this is a great and unsearchable thing that God has done.

 So tonight, I didn’t just see rain; I observed a miracle from God.

Yesterday, I learned that another friend has a preliminary diagnosis of Multiple System Atrophy, the disease that has ravaged Wyndham’s body. Though I am so sad to hear this, I told my friends to expect to see miracles. Like helpers, we must look for them. They may be different from the miracles we want, but nonetheless, God is always at work in our lives transforming, comforting, saving, listening, refining, and much more. I am learning, in my relationship with God, that there is special sacredness in suffering and intimacy in infirmity. God’s presence brings these. God works in weakness, orchestrating beautiful harmony using broken instruments. Wisdom sees the miracles, hears the miracles, and feels the miracles. Look for them.

At Least It’s Not Lice!

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The questions kept coming as Micah and Gracie were eager to know more about their Papa’s neurological disease. It’s a tough one. He has lost all mobility and is wheelchair (or scooter) bound. His speech is somewhat affected and he experiences intense fatigue every day. Life as we have known it has changed. As my daughter sought to answer their questions her daughter, Gracie, was thoughtful. Then, with her eyes widened and hands gestured outward Gracie triumphantly proclaimed, “Well—at least it’s not LICE!” gracies-expression

I love children. I need them in my life. Their points of reference are limited to their few years of experiences. Their perspectives are innocent, simple, and pure. You never know what crazy wisdom might come from their mouths.

For Gracie, her perspective was likely shaped from a family vacation at a lake, fondly known as “the one with lice.” The entire week was spent searching heads for nits (aka nitpicking), lathering with special expensive shampoos, and laundering loads of linens and clothes for 16 people—several times a day. img_1210We can laugh about this time now (2 years later), but it obviously had a profound impact on Gracie (whose head, fortunately, never housed a nit to be picked). img_1250

 

 

Currently, when Wyndham and I feel the very real and difficult realities of this current challenge, we often look at each other and say…”Well, at least it’s not lice!”  (I believe a sense of humor is not only helpful, but necessary.)

How do you view your current circumstances? Do you see them through a spiritual, Christ-like perspective…or from a self-focused,  world-focused, and hopeless point of view?

It is impossible for me, as a human, to understand the workings of God (Isaiah 55:8-9). My life doesn’t always follow the script I would write. I do know that I can completely trust his love and rely on his power (Psalm 62:11-12). I am keenly aware that my joy level springs from my ability to choose an eternal perspective. I am trying hard to hold to God’s view as I enter this new year…praying not to be fearful or discouraged. Praying to view life through Jesus’ eyes.

This past week Micah spoke with us about some of the questions he mused, and of a talk he recently had with his dad. His dad had explained to him that life on this earth can be hard, but we live for a home with God that lasts forever. That changes things. God has a bigger view than we do. Micah then shared that the Bible is what makes this clear to him. He told us that he will remember that talk with his dad for the rest of his life. Smart kid, right?

After the apostle Paul endured many great hardships he wrote from his “God-perspective:”

13  It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak,
14  because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.
15  All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16  Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
17  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:13-18)

This is my goal for 2017. To fix my eyes on Jesus…to see what is unseen and eternal.

I’m not gonna lie….it’s hard sometimes. But it is true and right, so I’ll hold on to that.

And after all…

“At least it’s not lice!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Every Day is a New Chance”

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He’s an “old soul” at six years old. I’m often taken aback by conversations with my grandson. On the playground, he might be found playing ball with his friends,or asking his teacher how her day is going and if teaching makes her happy. That’s just the way he rolls.

So, I was not too surprised with our conversation last week as I was transporting him to his cousin’s house. As we were on the way he turned to my husband, who is suffering with health challenges and can no longer walk, and reminded him that he prays for him every day. We spoke of how God has not said “yes” to our desires for reasons still unknown to us–but we trust him. After a pause Micah continued, “You know Papa, every day is a new chance.” every-day-is-a-new-chance

I stored this nugget of child wisdom in my heart and ruminated on it throughout the week. Indeed, Micah, every day is a new chance. Every day brings a new possibility, a new chance.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. (Psalm 5:3-4)

Every day is new chance to:

Count the many blessings I have been given.

Serve others.

Notice new ways that God is at work in my life.

Choose gratitude.

Hope.

Encourage someone.

Remember what Jesus did for me.

Accept God’s love and power even if I don’t understand my circumstances.

Overcome a harmful habit or sin and replace it with good.

Share this love which can make an eternal  difference in someone’s life.

Today we have this chance.

A couple of nights ago I woke up for a few hours and took the opportunity to pray. I thought about this “random chance” to pray and began to thank God for a vast variety of people, scenes, creatures, and emotions I enjoy and that he created. I was filled with wonder at how music “works” and how humorous and adorable are so many creatures. I stood (or rather lay) dumbfounded  at laughter, joy, excitement, sorrow, and the many varied emotions we are able to experience. I thought of the intense power of love and how it is something we can only know because of God. It was a fun prayer time as I remembered this “chance” to choose God. I read a familiar passage in a less familiar version and was uplifted so much I’m eager to share it with you…as we hold to the fact that every day is a new chance.What will you make of your chance today?

 
  This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”
  God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.
  And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!
  That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times.
  The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next.
  Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in
  until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
  All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs.
  These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance.
  That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us.
  But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
  Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.
  He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.
  That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.  Romans 8:15-28 (MSG)