Tag Archives: faith

Three Years and God Still Holds the World

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Three of my granddaughters had just left our house. It was their bedtime, so their mom had taken them home. I did not know it would be the last time they would see their Papa alive, though I was well aware that every day was a gift. I then adjusted Wyndham’s medical equipment, kissed him goodnight, and slipped into the way-too-empty king-sized bed placed alongside his hospital bed, which had been his home for eight months.

I recounted the lyrics to the songs the girls had just sung to him. Not only did the words comfort him, but they also comforted me. One of the songs kept going through my head.

He’s got the whole world, in his hands.

He’s got the whole world, in his hands.

He’s got the whole world, in his hands.

He’s got the whole world in his hands.

As they sang more verses, they substituted the names of every family member, both human and canine, in place of “the whole world.”  What a profound message of truth they sang.

That was three years ago. November 21, 2019. This would be his last day on earth.

Each year, I try to commemorate this day in some special way, always including some form of pay-it-forward. I still don’t know quite what I will do to commemorate the day, but that is okay. I do less planning and orchestrating these days, trying my best to stay in step with the Spirit. Three years later, God still has the whole world in his hands. Thankfully, he holds my hand in his as well.

More than any other emotion, I feel profoundly grateful. I feel thankful to have known, loved, and been loved by Wyndham. I am grateful to be loved by and to love…and to be known by and to know my Abba, Father.

A lot has happened over these last three years, not to mention the life-altering Pandemic we all endured. I try to keep in sync with the Spirit, all the while learning how real those lyrics are – the whole world is, indeed, in his hands. I never know what the new day will bring, but as each day ends I marvel that God holds me. Perhaps this is a reason why I love to watch the sunset over the river. Every day looks different, holding its own beauty. As the sun disappears below the horizon, God’s artistry never disappoints. I reflect on ways God worked throughout the day, sometimes in ways that astound me. I evaluate how I stayed in step or lost rhythm. Some ways he works can make me laugh out loud as his audacious, unimaginable weaving of situations is so remarkably covered with his handprints. These stories include a goose, an eagle, officiating a wedding, and so much more…all remarkable Spirit-involved happenings with crazy back-stories of God at work. Some days are seemingly ordinary, though I still get to breathe his air, experience love, and observe his beauty all around me. Overall, as I reflect on the last three years, several things I’m learning come to mind.

I am learning to make needed space in my life to better hear and see God as I observe and participate in the Spirit at work. It is as delightful as it is scary. I treasure God and my morning walks along the river. Sometimes I talk to him out loud, but mostly I just walk with him and listen. I might ask him how his day is going, as I cannot really imagine some of the emotions he must feel as he watches the world. I hope to bring him joy without not too much frustration. I definitely appreciate and rely on his grace and kindness toward me. I stand amazed that he calls me friend. How do I get to be his friend? I mean, people can’t even score tickets to a Taylor Swift concert, and yet I get to be God’s daughter and friend. Amazing.

I feel so thankful for the ever-presence of God’s mighty, loving hands throughout my transitions over the last three years. I felt him confirming, leading, and comforting me as I retired, sold my house, moved to another state, retooled retirement with a (very) small property business, began work toward a Christian coaching certification, and continue my passion for writing books. I love my new church home here in Connecticut. On the home front, I deeply enjoy my relationships with my kids and grandkids and stay alongside them in schoolwork, as I’m now entering the final year of my spiritual formation doctoral journey which is another definite God-thing. I do geek out sometimes, as full-out nerdiness arises from within because I so love to learn. Every step of the way I need and rely on his guidance, empowerment, and confirmation. I echo Moses’ words in Exodus 33:15, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” I can’t and don’t want to do anything without him.

I still feel sadness, and I am sure that some form of grieving will always be close at hand. The whole world, though in his hands, is not yet made new. There’s a lot of bad and painful stuff out there. I’ve had other friends and family members leave this earth this past year, as have many of you. Even yesterday, I called a friend I have been getting to know since I moved here. We enjoyed deep talks about life and God, and she visited church with me many times. When I texted her, I learned my number had been blocked. I knew she would not intentionally block me, so I felt concerned. I Googled her name only to discover her obituary staring back at me. She had died suddenly a few weeks ago. Sometimes life stinks. In the stink, God still holds me in his hands. It feels safe there, as long as I don’t try to wriggle out.

Over the past three years, I have learned more fully that as a now-single woman, I am not one step removed from God. For this realization, I am deeply grateful, as I believe a distorted view affected me more than I knew. More on that another time.

There is so much God is doing, and I long to join him in his mission. I pray to see the image of God in each person. Tomorrow, as I remember the end of one era and the beginning of a new one for Wyndham and for me, I choose to be thankful. Thank you, God, for the amazing man who was Wyndham, the precious memories I hold, and the family and friends you have given me. Thank you that you will one day, when you return, renew the earth and our bodies. Meanwhile, I am grateful to be held in your hands.

He’s got you and me in his hands. He’s got the whole world in his hands.

 

The times, they are a-changin’

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Bob Dylan had this phrase right. Change happens all around us and in us all the time. In our world and in our circles of people, things just don’t stay the same. It is already the month of May. Perhaps you are graduating soon or have kids leaving the nest. You may have several transitions going on in your life. Maybe you are moving, finding a new job, or even getting a new pet. You may be experiencing happy changes or excruciating losses. But certainly, the times, they are a-changin’.

A few months ago, for reasons I don’t really know, I decided to write Wyndham a letter telling him things that have happened since he left this earth. It felt healing. I began by sharing something more light-hearted, but as I began recounting the changes my mouth nearly dropped open, realizing just how much has happened. The letter was long and personal, so am only including some excerpts:

Babe,

So much has happened since you left here. I miss you and think about you every day. I mainly feel deep gratitude because of the kind of man, husband, dad, and papa you were…and I got to be part of it and you as your best friend. Those last few years were so hard I know…traumatic in so many ways. But we did it with the help of God. You stayed grateful, courageous, cheerful, and faithful and amazed me with that. You were quite something and you still speak though you are gone. Now you are free and with God. I’m happy for you and so inspired by your life and death. But oh, how I miss you.

When change happens, even little things…happy and sad things….you are the one I want to tell. You are the one I want to decompress with. Pray with. Laugh with. Sometimes it takes my breath away to realize I can’t do this even though I’m happy for you. There has been a lot of crazy since you left. Go figure. So many transitions.

Very soon after…Tom Brady left the Patriots. I know you would be interested in that. He won a super bowl for Tampa Bay. The Pats and Red Sox stunk the next season, so you didn’t miss much there. They both got better though. He recently retired and unretired. Drama.

And, of all things, we had a global pandemic. For two years!! It was crazy. We couldn’t travel and had to meet virtually for church for nearly two years. Life shut down. Schools didn’t meet and people worked from home. Across the world, we were isolated. We wore masks everywhere until just a few weeks ago, over two years later. You probably have met a number of people who succumbed to Covid.

Your whole family loves you so deeply it can’t be expressed properly. Emma graduated, and began the Northeastern honors college of nursing. She wants to be a nurse practitioner and is currently studying in London. Lexi just got baptized, which was so exciting, and two others are studying the Bible. You would be so proud of all your grandchildren and of our kids..Oh, and I should tell you that Kevin and Melissa are now serving as lead evangelist and women’s ministry leader for the Boston church. So many changes. I’m sorry to tell you that your sister Jane died last February, and Aunt Emma passed a couple months ago. I feel sure you know these things, but it helps me to say them to you. Oh, and sadly, recently Russia invaded Ukraine and it’s ugly and so sad. We had some meaningful times there. Shawn updates in a prayer time every day.

Kind of a big personal change is that I retired. It was a hard decision but the right one. Oh, and I sold our house and moved to Connecticut near Kristen. Real estate has gone crazy. Kristen was my realtor. She’s a good one, no surprise there. The house I found is perfect for me. Amazingly, the house has a studio apartment in the back where Jacob lives. His was a hard transition, but he is doing ok. You would love it here across from the river. I get to walk along the Connecticut River daily with Denver, which he loves. The boats remind me of you. I know this was a good move for me. God has been good to me. I just started a small real estate rental business. Didn’t really plan on that, but the opportunity came. Crazy, I know. 

Also, I graduated before I retired. I felt your smile. I’m now working hard on my doctorate and loving it, as you know. You’ll also be happy to know that “Paul’s Window” got published. Since then, I had the opportunity to do some virtual teaching in several states and countries and was able to spread some of your ashes in Europe while teaching in person. Your encouragement stays with me. I wrote a book about wisdom I learned from you called “Wednesdays with Wyndham.”  I love the cover with you and Denver on the boat. Next was a book on caregiving. I guess life experience lessons are good to share.

I’m doing okay, as I told you I would, but I miss you every day. A lot. It makes me look forward even more to eternity. I don’t know what it will look like for us, but I know it will be special. I would love to feel your hugs and I so want you to know always how much I love you. You gave me the most amazing 45 years. Whenever I am tempted to feel really sad, I remember the incredible blessing you are in my life. I try to make you proud of me, but I know I don’t need to because you love me for me. I realize more than ever our team of equals was quite something special. Thanks for the way you made me feel so loved and respected. I’m trying to reflect Jesus as brightly as I know how…and also your legacy. I wish I could know what you are doing now. If you are resting or fellowshipping and what it is like to live outside the body. Are there fish there?  It’s another dimension I will never grasp here. I know one day this will be, in your words, a mere blip on the screen. Until then. I love you forever.

The times, they are a-changin’. Certainly, all kinds of changes are often difficult, but I believe there are many things to consider to help us navigate them well. Some of these things I have learned the hard way, but most have been through the urgings and workings of God. For a while, I have been taking notes on the topic of transitions, studying scriptures, and reading books in preparation for writing this book. I now offer it with the prayer that it will minister to and encourage you.

The book has seven chapters. The introduction and chapters include: God Is in the Transitions; Transition and Identity; Mourning Transition; Walking Through Candyland; Preparing for Transition; Raise Your Ebenezer: Marking Transitions; Transitions that Overflow; Courage for the Next Steps; Conclusion; and Appendix: Who God Says We Are.

Each chapter is followed by a different person’s transition story— men and women who share their inspiring stories of finding God in transitions. Though their circumstances and ages vary, they all navigate their challenging transitions with honesty and faith. This book would not be the same without their valuable contributions. Thank you Hannah DeSouza, Angela Christoffel, Adam Birr, Judy McCreary, Chris Condon, Alexandra Ghoman, Erika Walton Sitzberger, Amber Effner, and Pam George.

After each chapter, I also include questions and practices for further reflection and application.

I’m including below the back cover copy, along with a few very kind blurbs from early readers. The book can now be pre-ordered. Thank you for all the encouragement you have shown me with my writing. It means a great deal to me and helps me keep going.

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In What Now, God? Finding God in Transitions” Jeanie Shaw digs deep into our hearts and lives using biblical, personal, and contemporary examples while offering wisdom and practical advice for navigating transitions of all kinds. Exploring identity, core values, and transitional habits, she offers insights into both grieving and celebrating change. While vulnerably sharing her transition journeys, she leads us straight to the heart of God, reminding us that we are not alone. After each chapter, voices of men and women, both young and older, share ways they found God in uncertain, transitional times.

Wow, everyone please read this book. As a therapist, I am always looking for books that could be helpful for those I support. What I found was that I needed to read these pages myself. And what an inspiring read it was. Transitions can bring many hardships, hence the diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder is in the diagnostic manual. Jeanie has provided a scripture-filled, Holy Spirit-directed, practical hand up to navigate these kinds of challenging times. And she made me laugh! –Dr. Jennifer Konzen, therapist, author, researcher, professor

Jeanie does a phenomenal job of helping the reader understand that transitions are not only normal and inevitable, but also offer amazing opportunities to receive God’s love, comfort, and support. Grief is often the overlooked component of our spiritual formation, but Jeanie outlines the very intimate way that God can use our pain from transitions to form and mature us, if we are willing. By revealing the Holy Spirit’s invitation to deeper connection, this book most certainly helped me to look at transitions from a fresh perspective and embrace even the most painful transitions in life.—Curtis Reed, Oviedo, FL, Grief Recovery and Transition Coach

In this book, Jeanie has beautifully put into words what all of us have thought, felt, and experienced. She does an outstanding job of showing us how to not just let life happen to us, but instead to let life and its transitions make us into the men and women God wants us to become. This book encourages, instructs, inspires, and comforts. Thank you, Jeanie! —Geri Laing, author of A Life Worth Living, Raising Awesome Kids, and Friends and Lovers

In this wonderful book, Jeanie has invited us into her living room and shared her heart, mind, and soul with us. In doing so, she gifts us with the wisdom that comes only through experiencing heights of joy and depths of sorrow while living in the hands of our ineffable God. Her journey through transitions and the lessons she shares with the reader are life-giving.—Robert Correa, Los Angeles, CA, MDiv

An insightful and excellent writer, Jeanie invites us to walk with her through all kinds of transitions as she points us to the identity we can know in Christ when transitions tempt us to question those identities. I was encouraged, comforted, and challenged…but most of all grateful for the practical suggestions offered to help us prepare for and navigate through transitions. I’m better for having read this book.—Guillermo Adame, San Diego, CA, Financial consultant, elder, former missionary

https://www.ipibooks.com/products/what-now-god-finding-god-in-transitions

 

When Life Becomes a Carnival

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I often share about my lovely new town and the peaceful view of the river from my front window. I love to walk my dog through the field across the street, lingering along the shore. I stop to greet the goose that has been my friend since the time I moved here. I think God put that goose there just for me, knowing my affinity for a lone goose that lost its lifelong mate and adopted my parents years ago. This lone goose was to me like an acknowledgment hug from God, reminding me that He never forgets that I lost my mate and He is always with me. Along the way, I breathe in to capture the smell of the falling leaves and freshly cut grass on the nearby soccer fields. I enjoy meeting new people along the way. I love to watch the boats roll by, and in the evening I usually tear up with joy and gratitude as I view the sun setting behind the water. Twice I have seen an eagle on its nest. The serenity of God’s creation feeds my soul as I walk and talk with Him by the river. I count on the peace this walk with God brings me each day.

But, oh my…how quickly things can change! You see, last weekend the carnival rolled into town, across the street from my house. Literally, overnight, my view switched from sunsets and riverfronts to Ferris wheels, tilt-a-whirls, and pirate ship rides. Every time I opened my door my olfactory senses no longer processed falling leaves and freshly cut grass but instead confronted smells of foot-long hot dogs, fried marshmallow-covered-dough-filled-sugar-coated everything imaginable, cotton candy, and other undetermined scents. My new view seemed like full-fledged craziness. Lights and sounds continued into the night and then Sunday evening, it was all gone. I was reminded how in the twinkling of an eye, our surroundings can change from serenity to carnival madness and back again. However, even with the carnival’s departure, it’s not yet exactly the same. I notice remnants of craziness. The grass is now mud and the trash and commodes are yet to be collected.

Life is like this. We experience times of calm and then the big trucks come in and seemingly overnight, dump craziness in our proverbial front yards…Not in the forms of Ferris wheels and pirate ships (well, for me it actually was in this form :-)), but more often with illnesses, difficult news, family trials, disappointments, grief, conflicts, and little things like pandemics. We can have a hard time remembering what serenity looks like and face seemingly overwhelming smells of fear and doubt. Whenever the “life carnival” rolls in, I find I must stay grounded in the reality of truth. The beauty of God’s creation is true. God’s provision is real. His concern for me is real. His empathy with me is real. His promise of eternal life is real. His promise of a new heaven and new earth is real. His comfort is real. He never changes, even when my view does. The carnival, though crazy, is temporary. Even though it happens, He holds my hand as I ride the Ferris wheel. I need that since I abhor heights.

He reminds me that the river is still in the same place, it is just a bit hidden by the surrounding commotion. My identity in Christ doesn’t change with changing circumstances. I take “me” with me both to the river and to the carnival, and Jesus walks with me through both. When my identity comes from God, I can stay grounded whether at the river or in the carnival. Though the trash and commodes may linger awhile, the leaves will still fall, the grass will grow through the mud, the river will still flow, and the sun will continue to rise and set. I must simply remember, notice, and keep walking with Him as He guides me. Even when the carnival was in full force, I walked further, beyond the carnival, and eventually passed its craziness. I once again smelled the grass and saw the river. I just had to keep walking.

You may feel like your life is a carnival, where serenity has been replaced by crazy. My life over the last few years has been filled with difficult transitions that have at times “smelled” like stale foot-long hot dogs and left me spinning on tilt-a-whirls. That combination can prove challenging, believe me. However, I can stay grounded by noticing God in everything as I keep on walking past the carnival, visiting the goose, watching the eagle, speaking to passersby, and witnessing the beautiful consistency of the sunset. I stay grounded knowing that His words are true and that He gives me purpose and identity. I am confident that the peaceful river and the crazy carnival can coexist because God is with me through them all. There truly is a secret of being content. His name is Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-13 (NIV2011)
4  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
5  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
9  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
10  I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.
11  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
12  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
13  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

 

Transitions – Lots of Them

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Transitions happen. Lots of them. Though I didn’t have a choice concerning the last chapter of losing Wyndham, I have certainly felt the Spirit’s urging and presence in moving forward to new chapters. Since that time, among other transitions, I sold my house of thirty-plus years, bought a new home in CT near my youngest daughter, retired from forty-seven years of full-time ministry, and began my doctorate program. While “ministering” is my lifelong lifestyle as an apprentice of Jesus that won’t change, life is different.

 

I have felt hugs from God throughout the transitions, though it has not always been easy. I find I must look for those hugs. For instance: When I put my house on the market, I felt sad. I would miss the park across the street from my house and my nearby “reservoir walk” a little over a mile away, among other things. However, the park by my old house is busier than I like, and I recently encountered a snake on the reservoir walk. Not a fan of snakes, I had postponed my walks there. God gave me a hug…with a house perfect for me in Connecticut, complete with a quiet park across the street where the gorgeous Riverwalk along the Connecticut River begins.  I pinch myself as I walk each day along the river and through town, amazed that God gave me such a beautiful, serene setting near water. I have met many new friends as I walk, many who have recently moved here, lost their husbands, and retired. This is no accident, I am sure. If this is not enough, there is a studio apartment on the property, perfect for Jacob.

The “new” park is quiet, except on one night a week when it becomes a music venue. Perfect!  And if that is not enough of a hug, as I go by the dock and dock house on the river each day, a lone goose greets me. This is particularly meaningful to me, as I wrote in one of my books about a lone goose that “adopted” my parents after losing its mate. Geese have a mate for life, and when they lose their mate they stay alone, sometimes attaching to a person for their new “mate.” Passing this lone goose each day just feels like a hug to me from God, and from Wyndham.

This past week I had the opportunity to teach on “the role of women in the church” at the European School of Missions in Switzerland. I was encouraged and inspired the current graduating class (after beginning 3 years ago) of the School of Missions and their new contributions to the churches in Europe. A few of these students I knew as preteens, so that was special.  It was wonderful to interact with the incoming class as well. It was so meaningful to be with old friends living in Europe…the Kings, LeNoans, Micha, and of course the McGuirks. It was also a treat to spend time with the Ayasses, who were there helping with their grandchildren during much of the time. It was especially inspiring to see the fruits of the love and labor of the young and “older” McGuirks in Paris, and also John and Rachel, who serve the church in Milan.

Teaching energizes me, as I feel it is a calling from God. It was meaningful and fun to teach with Joey Harris. It felt seamless, as we soon realized we had such  congruent interpretations and understandings of the topic. We taught on the subject for about ten hours, including sessions about ways to read and interpret scripture, the author’s style, presuppositions we bring to interpretation, the lenses through which we read (western culture vs. eastern culture, patriarchal culture, and our CoC and ICOC cultures), blinders to our lenses, cultures of Ephesus and Corinth, God’s parameters, transcending principles, specific verses on women in the scriptures, and essential attitudes of humility and unity. We included various group exercises and discussions throughout.

Joey taught for the next couple of days on Old Testament Survey and OT interpretation, which was all outstanding. Kudos to all the students who put their hearts and minds into days of learning in a language that is not their first one.  

My next stop for next week includes my first residency session for my doctoral program, where I meet my professors and cohort and also participate in a guided spiritual retreat. I am super excited to start and am eager to keep learning.

I have much to write about transitions; in fact, much of my research will stem from this topic. While it is good to be home, I am also grateful for so many memories from years past with Wyndham throughout Europe. It seemed fitting to leave some ashes in a river in the Alps. I include a few thoughts describing this time for me.

On the Bridge

We walked this stream before

Flowing waters toward tributaries form 

Crossing the bridge to the other side

Hands entwined, warm to warm

 

These hands hold memories

Carrying ashes, remnants of living

Now stilled by the cool hand of death

As waters below tease of life still giving

     

    I stand on this bridge called hope

    Connector of life and death that I know

    While your ashes find life in the wind

    Toward life-giving water, still sparkling below

     

    Ashes give birth to life

    As the river moves toward the sea

    And the bridge, through the Spirit

    It still connects you and me.

    A Love-Hate Thing

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    I love “Papa’s bench,” the memorial bench I purchased that was placed at the reservoir five minutes from my house. I often walk and pray around the two-mile perimeter surrounding the lake while Denver frolics and fetches sticks from the water. I chose a bench because I wanted a place to “sit with” Wyndham. I didn’t want a cemetery; I wanted a nearby place with nature’s beauty and fishable water.

    The bench went into the ground while I was visiting Kristen in Connecticut. The town employee, who has been extremely kind and thoughtful throughout the process, called to tell me it was in the ground. Hearing that I was away, he put tape across the bench so I could cut the tape and also so that no one would sit there before I did. See what I mean? He is thoughtful.

    I arrived back in town the next evening right before dark. I was tired and hot after my drive home. I grabbed some scissors to cut the tape and walked down to the bench that I told you I love. I cut the tape away, sat down, and cried. Ugly cried. I talked out loud, some to God and some to Wyndham. I told God I hated the bench. I never wanted a memory bench. I wanted Wyndham. I loved it, and I hated it. All mashed up together. After a good cry and talk, I settled down on the bench. The reservoir was low, emptier that I had seen it in a long time. No wonder my town has a water ban in effect. Also, the sweltering heat from the previous few days encouraged grass to grow in the water, and I didn’t like how it looked. I didn’t like much that evening, as is likely obvious by now.

    In the quiet evening, as I sat still, I began to hear what sounded like a waterfall. As I looked up, I saw water gushing into the lake. I told God…”Okay, I get it.” You see— I felt just like the low, way too empty reservoir…with ugly weeds growing to add insult to injury. And yet, God reminded me that He makes a reservoir possible by being the stream of living water. He will fill my empty reservoir—not with a slight trickling of water drops, but with a forceful gush of living water sent by His Spirit. (As I attached this picture of the outpouring water, I noticed the reflection of the shape of a cross with power lines attached. Oh ,the allegory here…God really wants me to get this message.)

    On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
    Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”
    By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.     (Jn 7:37-39)

    (Interestingly, and adding even more depth to this amazing promise from Jesus, is that Jesus said this on the last day of the Feast of Sukkot, which included a water ceremony and chanted prayers pleading for rains for the harvest. Jesus was ushering in a new way of thinking.)

    I must remember this new way of thinking, remembering that He continually pours love into my heart through His Spirit (Rom 5:5), like that water gushing from the source.

    Somehow, my town knows when to turn on the water flow when the reservoir is low.  How much more does my God know when I need a fill-up? If my reservoir isn’t full, this also affects other people, not just me.

    I’m happy to have a bench that I love and hate. I need physical reminders of memories. I think that is why there are so many celebrations recorded in the Bible, so many parables told, and stones of remembrances collected. We all need reminders.

    Oh, and another little reminder from God to share. Later, I think it was the next morning, I was speaking with God about how difficult it can sometimes be to feel His presence. After all, I had talked with, lived, with, touched, and talked with Wyndham for forty-five years and now I have memories. With God, I have talked with Him for years and have His Spirit and His Word, but I have never seen Him or physically touched Him. That’s hard, and I think is why Jesus says “blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed.” (Jn 20:29)  I told Him it is also hard to not know what it means to be in the spiritual state after death, and though I know Wyndham is with God, I felt a need for reassurance that all was okay. I asked Him if He could please let me know this somehow. I didn’t need to understand it, I just needed to know all was okay. This is all I said, as I did not really even know what I was asking.

    After I prayed, I got up, picked up my phone, and had a message waiting from a sister in another region, Kathleen Johnson. This was her message to me. “Jeanie, in my quiet time I thought of you. As I was praying to God I had such a strong feeling that God wanted me to pass on to you that everything is all right..”

    If that is not the Spirit at work, I don’t know what is. Of course, I cried in gratitude.

    And now, every time I sit on the bench that I love and hate, I not only remember Wyndham, but am reminded that Jesus is my stream of living water…and Wyndham is more than all right.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 101

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    Wisdom Takes Risks

    Wyndham called from Bucharest saying he had met three abandoned siblings. They were alone, living in a shed with a dirt floor. He told me we needed to take them into our soon-to-open group home. For years we had worked toward the opening of this home in Romania, staffed by Christians. We would bring seventeen orphans, ages four to eight, from a state orphanage to live in the home. We knew we could not take more children than the ones that were already coming, and we knew that we could not take older children. There were just too many risks to an already risky undertaking.

    So, when he called to tell me about these three children, ages ten to thirteen, I was not persuaded. I did not know how we could handle it, and besides, we didn’t really know them. When he responded, “We need to do this; you are going to have to trust me on this one,” I reluctantly agreed. After spending time with them, he saw through to their hearts and felt their needs. The oldest sibling had made sure they all took the very long route to get to school each day. Life in the shed was difficult, to say the least.

    Wyndham convinced me that this was a risk we must take. So we did. They came to live in the home before the others came. Two girls and a boy. We celebrated Alex’s tenth birthday shortly after his arrival. He had never celebrated a birthday.

    The day arrived when the seventeen kids came. The intensity of that first week is difficult to describe. I don’t think I slept more than a few hours the whole week. On a level of difficulty between one and ten, it was near twenty. The oldest sibling from the shed (who had moved in with her brother and sister) was an outstanding “big sister” for all. All three of them were (are) wonderful. The oldest sibling, Ionela, was moved by the love she saw from the Christians. There were times when I would see her outside, off by herself reading the Bible. Over time, she fell in love with God. One of the great joys of my life was helping to baptize her in the home in Romania. After a couple of years, all three were adopted by good friends, the Rushtons, who gave them a wonderful home. Today, all three are married with children.

    Ionela and her husband, Anthony, have four boys and both serve in the ministry in the Chicago area. She is truly an amazing woman. This past week we received a letter which she graciously said I could share–so I will include excerpts:

    …You have blessed my life. Thank you for saying “YES” to bringing my siblings and me to the group home. Because of your faith, sacrifice, love, and hard work my life has been changed for eternity. The group home is where I came to know God through the disciples and studying the Bible.

    This past year I celebrated eighteen years as a disciple, more than half my life. That decision has changed everything. I got to marry a godly man who also had a dream to go into the full-time ministry, and together we have been serving in the ministry for ten years. We have been blessed with four amazing boys and we have the blessing to raise them to know and love God. My life and the blessings I enjoy every day are a result of your faith and sacrifice. Thank you for loving God first and letting Him use you to change lives for eternity….

    Wyndham, you are truly a man after God’s own heart! Thank you for the incredible example of faith, courage, endurance, love, and sacrifice you have set for those around you and far away. As you have been suffering with your health you have become a stronger warrior. You both are warriors and your legacy is deep faith that has impacted many. I look forward to celebrating the reward of our faith with our God in our eternal home.

    “I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers.” Philemon 1:4

    I love you both very much, Ionela (Testa)

    Okay, now my eyes are leaking. We never know what will happen when we listen to the Spirit’s guidance and take a risk, even when that risk disturbs our plans. If we listen to all that could go wrong, we would never move forward. Wisdom takes risks.

    I’m so glad Wyndham listened to the Spirit’s guidance and took this risk. God certainly took a risk on me, and I am eternally grateful. He gave up everything in hopes that you and I would respond to his love. I want him to see my life and be happy that he took that risk.

      Out of that terrible travail of soul, he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it. Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many “righteous ones,” as he himself carries the burden of their sins. (Isaiah 53:11) MSG

     

     

    4 Ways to Feed Your Faith

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    Carnivore. Vegetarian. Vegan. Gluten free. Dairy free. Organic. Eating for our blood type. So many “eating” options are before us, at least in the land where I live. We give great attention to our food intake, knowing it affects our physical health. 

    I’ve often asked myself: What would my physical health be like if I ate physical food in same way I ate spiritual food?

    Would I be healthy and energetic? Malnourished? Would I have so little nourishment that my appetite would be gone? Would I be getting by, but with needed changes? Or, would I be dead?

    These are important questions to ponder—because spiritually, like physically, we are what we eat.

    It’s easy to eat food on the fly, while running out the door. Or, to just grab something someone hands to us in a drive-through. However, these aren’t the meals that do us the most good, or the ones which we remember.

    Do you feed your faith “on the fly,” or mostly when someone hands something to you in a “spiritual drive-through?” Do you pay careful attention to your intake, or lack thereof? It’s crucial to take time to eat at the spiritual dinner table.

    How healthy is your faith? Is it well fed and growing, or is it waning? Thankfully, we can build ourselves up in faith. While we can become physically healthier through our eating habits, surely eternal life is of greater importance than physical life.

    But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit.
    Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.     (Jude 1:20-21)

    Maybe you have been disappointed, or have been struggling to see God at work in your life—wanting to see victories that don’t seem to happen. Perhaps you feel as if life is going in the opposite direction from your desires. As a result, faith can suffer– tempting us to lose our appetite for the spiritual nourishment we need. Consequently, we are more apt to consume “junk food” that’s neither satisfying, nor good for us. It can come in the form of mind consuming social media and entertainment, or people or things that confuse our spiritual focus.

    So how do we feed our faith?  Here are some simple reminders.

    1. We’ve got to eat the meat—or at least protein. There’s no substitute for opening the Bible and taking in the words of God. When we read, we can remember the power of God, his kindness, his love, and his truths…for faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. (Romans 10:17)

    And, let the word digest. Take time to really listen. Take time to see God. See him at creation. See him with Moses, David, and Mary. See him raise the dead and see Jesus raised from death. Be amazed at the magnitude and minutia of his creation. Take time to read the word. Take time to hear the word spoken. Sometimes, hearing the word of God spoken out loud speaks to me even more keenly, while at other times silent meditation moves my heart and mind.

    1. Invite others to “eat with you.” We need each other. Sometimes I need to “do my own cooking” spiritually, while at other times my faith is fed through others. When friends are hurting, or going through trials or life changes we often encourage them by sending physical meals. Often, food prepared for others is arranged through an internet tool called “the meal train.” Perhaps we could also encourage each other with “spiritual meal trains,” as together we encourage one another’s faith.  When I feel weak or hurting, nothing encourages me more than receiving a meaningful Scripture that speaks to my particular needs.

    We sent Timothy, who is our brother and God’s fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them.
    In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way, as you well know…Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.      (1 Thess. 3:2-4,10)

     I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong– that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.  (Romans 1:1-12)

    It’s a special treat to “go out to eat.” Likewise, it’s a privilege and special time to “go out to eat spiritual food” as we meet together as a church, worship together, and  hear the word preached.  Neglecting this privilege and responsibility will weaken our faith.

    1. Sharing our personal faith feeds our faith. Yes, inviting people to church can be helpful…as friends may come and open their hearts to seeking God. But there is so much more involved in sharing our faith. Sharing our faith reminds us of what God has done in our lives. As you read the book of Acts, the disciples went everywhere sharing what God had done in their lives. It’s crucial, as the Scriptures state, to be active in sharing our faith. This feeds our faith.

      I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers,
    because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints.
      I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.     (Philemon 1:4-6)

    As we hear encouraging news of how God is working in others’ lives, it strengthens our faith. We can’t hear these workings of God if we aren’t actively sharing them. Sometimes, without this focus, we can forget the mighty ways God has and is continuing to work on our behalf.
     First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world. (Romans 1:8)

    1. Take supplements to strengthen your faith.

    Often, in addition to reading the Bible, gaining encouragement from others and being encouraged, and sharing my faith I’m strengthened by spiritual books and spiritual songs. I try to always be reading spiritual books, and I’ve gained so much from them. At times, music strengthens my faith like nothing else can do at the time. 

     
      When you come, be sure to bring the coat I left with Carpus at Troas. Also bring my books, and especially my papers.     (2 Timothy 4:14 NLT)


    Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God!     (Colossians 3:16 MSG)

    You may feel you have little faith, but it can grow if you feed it. Fortunately, our faith does not rest on man’s wisdom, but on God’s power. Even a little faith, with God’s huge power, can move mountains.
     I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it— and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God’s Spirit and God’s power did it,
      which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God’s power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.     (1 Corinthians 2:3-5 MSG, emphasis added)

     

     

     

    Digging Out from Disappointment

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    We’ve all felt it. It comes in various shapes and sizes without respect for age or background. It can kick you in the gut—when you don’t get a desired job, or make the team, or garner attention from someone you were sure you would marry. Maybe it stabbed you when a trip to the bathroom dashed your hopes of a longed-for pregnancy. I still remember several years of that longing-turned-disappointment.

    As we live more years and know more people, disappointments seem to loom at every corner. We feel the disappointments of poor choices made by friends or family (or ourselves)—and relationships that didn’t turn out the ways we had envisioned. Often they come in the form of health challenges. We don’t ask for them, plan for them or desire them in any way. ~1524161

    As I have mentioned before, my husband has a (still) undiagnosed central nervous system disorder. In a year’s time this villain has stolen his ability to walk, caused great fatigue and various other difficulties. However, recent MRI findings brought us new hope for a treatment that could “fix it.” The doctors thought they saw a vein formation putting pressure on the spinal cord. To confirm this MRI “finding” my husband would need to go through a procedure (an angiogram) to locate and treat the problem.

    We counted the days until August 10th—the day of the procedure. Though we knew it was not a sure cure, the doctors were hopeful and so were we. Full of faith, we dreamed of how we’d celebrate our new miracle.

    Instead, the procedure showed the MRI findings to be false. To add insult to injury, he had a very difficult time waking up from anesthesia causing enough concern to land him an extra hospital stay.VZM.IMG_20160810_224055 The night he came home he developed a high fever from infection. That day was also the hottest day of the year, and for some unknown reason the power in our house went out. It felt like cruel irony—power gone. It seemed that all we had hoped for resulted in “disappointment on steroids.” A hard kick in the gut.

    With significant sleep deprivation, the next morning I sat in a 100 degree parking lot outside of a lab while holding a little sterile jar of pee in a bag—and sobbed. And prayed. And wrestled with God. I asked him if he had heard me, and if he cared. I “reasoned” with him that we could accomplish so much more with renewed mobility and energy. I reminded God of his promises and how faith- building it would have been for all the grandchildren who fervently pray for their Papa.

    I felt like I was sinking in mud and getting nowhere—like a time I got my car stuck in mud. The car wouldn’t move forward, and sank lower and lower. I then reasoned that if perhaps I stepped on the accelerator a little harder I get could get out. Instead, mud flew and I sank even deeper.

    Several things were needed in order to dig out. (A good cry was one of them.) I didn’t want to sink in the mud then, and I don’t want to sink in my disappointment now. With my car, I needed some solid ground, some trial and error, a push and a tow in order to move forward. I needed the same in that hot parking lot, holding the sad, now infected jar of pee.

    When my car was stuck, I grabbed handfuls of nearby gravel—solid ground to put beneath the wheels. Likewise, when sinking in disappointment I must find solid ground—“one piece of gravel” at a time. The solid ground is truth. I must hold on to truth. We live in spiritual battleground and Satan wants me to believe the lies—that God doesn’t care or have our best interest. Two of the many “truth rocks” I rely on are:

    And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
    In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.
    There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.     (1 John 4:16-18a)

     Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
    He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
    My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge…

    One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong,
    and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.     (Psalm 62:5-7, 11-12)

    The solid ground also includes the majesty of creation. As I observe nature and smell the summer gardens, view the sunset and hear the oceans roar I am reminded that God is the potter. I am the clay. As I see around me the love of a mother for her child and witness lives who have radically changed— I know love is from God. God loves me. He hears me. I rely on this. I know this in my mind and place it in my heart. I don’t have the big picture. He does.

    “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
    “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.     (Isaiah 55:8-9)

    The solid ground includes the immeasurable blessings and answered prayers I have already received from my father: My salvation, his spirit within me, and the hope of eternal life top the list.

    My husband, who is a godly man of integrity is also a blessing I don’t deserve. Though not so physically strong now, to me he has never seemed stronger. The relationship I share with my children and grandchildren cause my cup to overflow with joy. My friends are a beautiful result of this solid foundation. I am blessed to be part of a loving, vibrant church who lives for God.

    I dig out by finding solid ground and placing it in my heart and mind. Sometimes it takes trial and error. I don’t always get it right but God is gracious.

    Sometimes I can’t seem to find the solid ground, or the gravel seems to slip from my hand. That’s how I felt in that parking lot. So, in that hot parking lot I texted my daughters and friends to tell them I was hurting and needed help. I needed encouragement. And they sent it. In scriptures, in prayers, and in encouraging words. I needed the push, and the tow to help me dig out.

    And I have hope. No disease or disappointment can take that away.

    Grab your solid ground, keep trying, ask for a push, and don’t be afraid to be towed. Remember you don’t have to drive alone. God has this. He always has. Our heavy foot on the accelerator doesn’t help. With God, I can do this. You can do this. Let’s dig out together.

    I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of  the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a new place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. (Psalm 40:1-3a)

    Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:3-5)

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Teaching Our Children to Pray

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    Nothing shouts sincerity louder than the sound of little children speaking to their creator.   However, as one of Jesus’ disciples states in Luke 11:1, “Lord, teach us to pray…” we all need help in learning to pray.

    The children we once taught to pray now have praying children of their own. I now love the occasions when I have the opportunity to pray with my grandchildren.  I love “hearing their hearts” and am often inspired by the honesty and detail with which they pray. IMG_3626

    I think back to numerous times when my faith was challenged by my children’s prayers. I confess that at times I wished to myself that they had not prayed a particular prayer which I faithlessly believed could not happen.

    Like the time they prayed fervently for a puppy…day after day.

    Several months later an Irish Setter puppy showed up at our door.  Seriously. I opened the front door and it was right there staring at me. Eyeball to eyeball as if to say…”Oh you of little faith.”   The dog stayed with us for days until its owner was finally found. By then we were persuaded to get a dog…and have had one ever since. My children were not surprised.

    While I’m not saying a puppy will show up at your door, I am saying that we must not underestimate the power of prayer.

    As I think back to prayer times with our young children I remember times when their prayers scared me. Often they would express their love to God and tell him how much they wanted to be with him. While I loved this and longed for this simplicity of child-like trust, I would follow up with God afterward and let him know that I understood that they wanted to be with him…but this scared me and I longed for them to stay here with us.

    I also remember times when they were preschoolers when I initiated prayer time before bed and they refused to pray (at least the one of them did this). This sometimes messed with my mind. Would it be wrong to “demand” that they pray? Would this warp their genuine heartfelt desire for God because they felt they “had” to pray?  Remember….I’m talking little ones here…little ones who can be stubborn and try to take control.  I realized that these times were simply about “who was going to win” and that my “win” as a parent was crucial. By the way, it did not hurt their future prayer life or heartfelt love for God

    So what are helpful ways we can teach our children to pray?

    1. Set the example.  It seems most obvious, but there is nothing more important than our example. Do our children see and hear us pray? I mean “really” pray? Not just the quick prayer before a meal, but talking with God when we don’t know how to handle a situation…or when we are worried…or when we are thankful…or when someone we know has a need… Do they see us pray often and spontaneously? Do they hear true thankfulness in our hearts when we thank God for the food on our plates, or for the gifts we receive, or unexpected blessings…or even challenges? When they are in a spat with a sibling or unsure of what to do…do we lead them to prayer?
    2. Give them some practical ideas.  It helped our children to have some structure in their prayers. When they were very young my husband or I started the prayer and let them follow with words from their heart. I started by talking about why I loved God and loved talking to him. Then I began the prayer with: Thank you for _________ and let them fill in things for which they were thankful. Gratitude is always a good place to start. From there I would continue:  Please help ________ and encouraged them to ask God to help others who were in need–those who were sick, or poor, or orphaned, or sad. They also prayed for people we knew and hoped would learn the Bible and become Christians. Next, I would add the sentence…Help me __________ and encourage them to pray about areas of their character where they needed God to help them grow stronger. Then we’d end by expressing our heart toward God starting with…I love you because_______________. and then share with God reasons why we loved him.   We didn’t follow this every time, but we did this often while they were young.
    3. Pray with them. Often. Nothing brings us closer to another than going to God with them.  I still love to pray with my adult children. Nothing helps me get in touch with my heart more than when I pray together with someone. Nothing helps me know the heart of another more than praying with them.  And….In Matthew 18:20 God tells me that “whenever two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

    So, set the example, give practical ideas and pray with your children.  It can make an eternal difference.

    Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  1 Thess. 5:16-18

    Taking Risks

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    Risks motivate me as long as I feel they are safe, in the same way that spontaneity thrills me as long as it is planned.  Needless to say, I need courage to take risks.  Risks to be uncomfortable because of my faith; risks to be truthful and bold when truth may not be appreciated; risks to experience cultures that aren’t known to me; and risks to embrace the lives of others when they complicate mine.

    Yesterday, I learned a lesson from the birds that took residence in my hanging geranium plant on my front porch.  I was blessed, a few days before I left for a European business trip, to peek into the recently built nest as mama bird laid her eggs, one by one. IMG_5075 As I twice daily climbed onto a chair to peer into the nest when it seemed time for the eggs to hatch—I just happened to glance at the exact time the first bird was hatching.  I marveled at the process that took place. 0609141313a As I checked the nest throughout the day, one  bird after another hatched—until all five eggs were replaced by five tiny, bald, awkward looking,  bird-like creatures.  For several days I watched the mother and father bird feed the babies as they oversaw their little brood while perched on the utility wire above the nest.  Then, I had to leave town for ten days.

    When I returned, I realized that while I had flown nearly 10,000 miles— the baby birds had flown nowhere.  They remained on the nest, even though they looked like fully developed little birds.  They ventured beyond the nest on the branches of the  plant, but did not go beyond the safety of their known geranium-world—into the wild, blue, and unknown sky. IMG_5253

    I wondered how long they would stay safe in their nest, and what it would feel like to fly for the first time.  Would their wings be strong enough?  Would they be able to survive on their own?  What would it feel like to face the first thunderstorm?

    In the meantime, my sad little geranium was thirsting for water.  I had at times carefully watered around the nest, but yesterday’s heat was showing stress on the plant.  So, with water pot in hand, I stood atop the chair and carefully watered around the little birds—assuring them I wouldn’t hurt them.

    Evidently,  the looming prospect of “death by geranium drowning” was all the motivation this little family needed to take the risk—to fly away.  Suddenly, one of the little ones “just did it.”  It successfully  flew away to the nearby tree.  As soon as this little bird left the nest and hit the airways—the others followed.  Poof—they were gone, not to return.  It will be a whole new world for them, complete with today’s thunderstorm. IMG_5255

    While I would like to think I am always motivated to “fly” and take new, scary steps  because of deep faith and the thrill of the unknown — too  often it is because I realize what might happen if I don’t fly.  While I likely won’t be submerged in geranium water—I realize that when I don’t step out on faith there are consequences.  Most importantly, I can’t please God without faith.  People I could serve may not be helped if I hesitate; I’ll withhold truth; and someone who may be searching for the life that God offers  may not hear about it.  While I realize each person is responsible for their own life, I am also called to live by faith—faith  that allow God to work through my life.  If I don’t, my faith will atrophy and I’ll “die in the nest.”  That’s motivation to fly with.

    Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. By faith Abel …

    …And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.  Hebrews 11:1-4, 6

     Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  Hebrews 12:1-3

    What holds you back from taking a fresh leap of faith?  As I remember the scriptures and those who have courageously stepped out before me, I am encouraged to take new steps of faith, even though it’s scary.  I realize there are always risks….but the risks are even greater if I don’t leave the nest.   Thankfully, God will always be the air that lifts my wings—and Jesus “flew first.”

    Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31  

    (As the pictures chronicle the bird experience, be assured that no birds or geraniums were harmed in the process.)