Monthly Archives: November 2018

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 81

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Wisdom Speaks with the End in Mind

Words are funny things. They are powerful. God created with words. Words play many roles as they: Inspire. Instruct. Hurt. Convict. Comfort. Entertain. Enlighten. As they do their jobs they produce varied emotions in the speaker and the hearer. Upon reception of words we may cry, laugh, sigh, smile, cringe, or even scream. Have you ever longed to own a “word catcher” that could catch careless words somewhere between your mouth and someone’s ear? I have. Unfortunately, there is no such thing—so the burden is on the speaker. If not careful, as the Red Sox would say, “Damage done.” 

Wyndham asked me a wise and rather profound question this week. I was in conversation with someone who was assisting us in a particular task. All was good. Perceiving a problem, I communicated something to this person in the form of a question, reminder, and plea. I didn’t raise my voice, and I tried to be kind and positive. However, this was not the first time I’ve spoken similar words to this person, and the words have yet to be well-received. As I think back, maybe this was the fifth or sixth time over the past year I have spoken similar words.  However, I thought perhaps the time was right to bring up the previously visited topic. Again.

Well, it wasn’t.

After the person didn’t react well the mood changed. Wyndham asked me later, “So, what were you hoping to accomplish?”

I thought about this question for a while. What was I trying to accomplish? I did feel, upon evaluation, that I was trying to bring about needed change for that person’s (and my) well-being. However, I thought through other times I’ve had this same conversation. What did I seek to accomplish then? Some of those answers would have been to let the person know:  I don’t approve. I want you to know my level of frustration. You’re not doing “it” the right way. 

Whenever words are born of frustration, or dare I say “condemnation,” they don’t accomplish good. They don’t strengthen relationships, While the end results of what we hope to accomplish may be right, timing and attitude are key. It is wise to ask: How will my words affect the relationship?  What am I hoping to accomplish? How would I feel if I put myself in the hearer’s place? Am I most concerned about speaking my words, or am I more concerned about the overall welfare of the hearer?

I would wish Paul to describe me as he does Timothy in Philippians 2:19-20.
I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive news about you.

 I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare.

I must get “me” out of the equation and wait until the emotions of the moment pass and frustration levels wane. While speaking the truth in love is needed and right (Ephesians 4:15 ), wisdom is needed for when and how to speak. Often, this can be determined by stopping to consider the wise question,
What am I hoping to accomplish?

 

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 80

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Wisdom to Feel Blessed and Thankful

Today’s post is intended to say “thank you” to each of you who take the time to read these Wednesday words, week after week. Your words of encouragement, your prayers, and your comradery with us mean more than I can express. Thank you, dear friends and readers, for lovingly sharing in our journey. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for the ways you allow God to use your life to give to others. Thank you for being you. Thank you. This sign on our bedroom wall expresses well my heart. Blessed. Thankful. 

It often feels vulnerable to share some of the innermost thoughts of my soul in writing. I probably would have stopped writing these blogs months ago were it not for your encouragement. Though writing is often therapeutic for me and helpful in processing thoughts, it is also at times difficult (and brings on very late nights most Tuesdays). I write these thoughts primarily to honor a man of integrity and wisdom (who is also the love of my life). I also hope to express some of the wisdom I have gained from him (and many of you) in ways that can offer practical life lessons for growing in wisdom.

Physically, days are difficult for Wyndham (and for me as a caregiver). Spiritually and emotionally, “blessed” and “thankful” are the most appropriate words I can find to describe what we feel. God has abundantly blessed us, and we are so grateful to him for his loving-kindness, and for our family and friends. Thank you, and have a wonderful “blessed and thankful” Thanksgiving.

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 79

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Wisdom Touches Lives

By Dave Malutinok

Wyndham is my mentor, spiritual father, brother, and friend. Wyndham, and his wisdom, has forever touched my life. As I was flying across the Pacific on my way to Cambodia I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to share my gratitude, gratefulness, and sincere thanks for the blessing he has been in my life. 

My thoughts went back to 1978.  I was a one-year-old Christian at the Carolina Evangelism seminar. This was the first time I saw him in person. He and Jeanie were larger than life to me.  I had listened to Wyndham on cassette tapes and was so eager to meet him.  I listened to many tapes of very good speakers, but there was something about him that immediately drew me in. I remember thinking of ways I might be able to afford to transfer from West Virginia State University to North Carolina State, where he served as campus minister.  When I returned to West Virginia I discussed with some brothers how amazing it would be to have the Shaws at WVU.  I remember praying a ton about it and sending Wyndham two or three letters, asking him to come to help us and lead the church. God answered my prayers, and he moved to West Virginia. I know this experience brought them many painful situations, but during this time he became my spiritual father. There were times when I felt like I wanted to give up trying to be a Christian, but then I would honestly think of Wyndham—his heart for God. His love for people exhibited his love for God, and even knowing how much he loved me kept me going.

Peggy and I had planned to move to Charlotte, as Wyndham and Jeanie had moved there, and our dream was to be with them again.  Before we moved there the Shaws moved to Boston. Even though I had a killer job offer in New York, the dream of being with the Shaws overshadowed any professional benefit I might enjoy. Moving to Boston, without a job, and with Peggy six months pregnant with Scott, was one of the best decisions of our lives.

I remember when we stayed with them for a while in their basement.  I laugh as I remember our son John telling Jeanie, “You have nice flush toilets!” (We have kept that as a joke whenever we visit, even though we did have “flush toilets” in West Virginia.) They set us up to be discipled by a couple that has become one of our closest friends, the Fergusons.

They helped us to go into the ministry. During times when there were situations that I had no idea how to solve, Wyndham was there for me.  The amazing thing is that throughout my entire Christian life, he has always been there for me. Wyndham was the first male in my life that did not abandon me. I always knew that if I needed him, he would be there.  I remember feeling terror, pain, fear, anger, faithlessness, and many other emotions at Shepherd Hospital shortly after Scott’s life-altering accident. Wyndham and Chip flew down to visit. That was the first time since his accident that I felt a level of peace. Because Wyndham, my earthly adopted father, was there for me I could remember how much more my Heavenly Father will always be with me. I committed that I would always keep him in my world. 

I also rather un-fondly remember the nights in the Billerica office building. Oh my goodness, what a time. The difficult decisions that needed to be made for the church were so crucial, yet he never lost his calm. Instead of severing into many separate churches, God used Wyndham and Gordon to hold things together in the Boston church.

………….

Dear friend, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have earned that sometimes it is impossible to fully understand God.  It is futile to ask “why.”  I have also learned that what God expects of us is faith. Faith that He is with us, He understands our plight, He has felt physically what we feel, He has felt emotionally what we feel, and yet He has overcome through our Lord Jesus—and paved the way along with the Holy Spirit to faithfully accept our sufferings with joy, thanksgiving, and peace.

For a while after Scott’s accident, I couldn’t find peace.  For years I struggled, prayed, talked, screamed outwardly and inwardly, but have through it all found peace.  Brother, I pray for you to have peace through faith that passes all understanding. I pray for you to daily remember me and the impact you made in my life. You have impacted my life like none other, save Jesus. I pray that God will also daily enlighten you to remember the thousands like me that you have impacted.  I really mean thousands.

Jeanie, your support of Wyndham, and your love for him through your actions are worth more than a million words. You are setting an earthly example of the loyalty and love that was written about regarding Ruth and Naomi.

Dear brother and friend, whom I love and respect with all my heart; have peace because He has overcome the world. 

John 16:33. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.

 

 

 

 

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 78

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Wisdom and Abiding Friendship

By Gary Dollar

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7)

It was fall of 1989, near the end of my life, that I met Wyndham.  My family and I were stationed at Fort Devens in Ayer Massachusetts. I was a career soldier enlisting in the Army in 1975, and over the past 14 years, I had become severely addicted to alcohol. My attempts at sobriety for the 10 years leading up to then were futile, including a treatment program at one of the best inpatient centers in the country. I had become hopeless, emotionally hollow, and suicidal. Somehow, I was still alive but my internal organs ached. I was dying.

Even though I was reaping what I sowed and getting what I deserved, my wife Susan, my son Aaron, and my daughter Andrea were innocents and never should have experienced the hell I introduced into their lives…

  • Physical and emotional abuse
  • Fits of rage
  • Infidelity
  • Legal separations and consistent threats of divorce
  • Broken promises to change creating optimism followed by heartbreak
  • Kids living fatherless for much of their adolescent lives
  • Susan living husbandless, in fear and loneliness
  • Hypocrisy – this “man” of the house was a respected and well-liked police officer during all of the insanity, and consequently, they were forced to live the lie outside the home as a happy and healthy family.

Hurricane Florence struck the Carolinas this September with a vengeance.  It caused 53 deaths and over 16 billion dollars in damages. It made landfall bringing sustained winds of over 140 mph and overwhelming floods. Those who ignored advice to get out but survived the onslaught were comforted when Florence passed over and continued on her way. But they were oblivious to the devastation until they wandered outside. It will take months, and more likely years, to rebuild—and even so things will never be the same.

In the last half of 1989, Susan and I were introduced to Jesus and became disciples. (Apparently, nothing is impossible with God.) Repentance produced a time of refreshing for the entire family. My external changes were obvious. I stopped drinking and smoking as well as using “Army dialect,” and Susan learned to find peace in God and gain trust in her Father to protect her. The storm that presented our most immediate threats had passed over. But, it was the deep-rooted devastation to our hearts and minds that presented the biggest risk to our future physical and spiritual lives.

Eight weeks after our conversion we were deployed to Germany. Even though I told my new brothers, that “I was all set,” they insisted that Susan and I spend some time with the Shaws for some marriage discipling time before departing. That was the first time we met Wyndham. He was nothing like we expected. We anticipated a stodgy, un-relatable priest-like man who would let us talk for a while and send us on our way with some superficial advice. But he was nothing like we expected. He was unpretentious and kind, and not only opened his home to us but also his heart—much like a loving father. We knew he was a “safe place” He was extremely compassionate and never gave a hint of condescension, arrogance, or superiority. That day Susan and I confessed sin, cried, shared things from our past that we had kept secret for years. He was open with his life and masterfully handled the scriptures laying the Biblical foundation for Godly marriage.  I left his house that day knowing that I had a real friend. While serving in Germany the Shaws would always schedule time with us during the European Missions Conference in spite of the huge roles and responsibilities they had at those events. Each time we met, no matter how long the separation, they treated us like we were together the day before and were always concerned with the progress of our marriage, asking Susan how things were going. I’m not sure why they didn’t ask me…

Sadly, over the years, there have been times when I allowed my past life to resurface. These were some of my darkest moments that at times would cause me in shame to turn my back on God, in some cases for a long time. Wyndham frequently reached out to me and let me know he was praying for me. And the few times where the situation would become desperate—in love, he fearlessly came to my side to encourage and call me back to God. It was those times that led me to repentance, and back to the church family.

   From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. 

   God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. (Acts 17:26-27)

God, in his providence, brought us back to Fort Devens from Germany. I have since retired from the army, moved to a neighboring town near the Shaws, gained further education, entered the civilian workforce, and recently retired. Wyndham and I became the best of friends through all these times. No man has done more to save my marriage, my life, and ultimately my soul. His carrying me through the hard times has created a bond between us that will last into eternity. I am so thankful to God that he determined for me this appointed time in history at this exact place.

There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24 RSV)