Wisdom Brings Resolution
Have you ever been in an awkward or difficult conversation, felt badly about it, and yet never spoke of it again—dropped, as if it had never happened?
Or, have you had a conflict and decided that silence is golden—and then placed the unresolved conflict in your museum of golden-silent- unresolved conflicts?
Or, have ever stored unresolved feelings in your heart? Then, a family member or friend asks if you are okay and you answer, “I guess. I dunno.” You leave it at that.
Or, have you asked your kids what happened in a certain situation, or asked them what was troubling them—only to receive a blank stare?
Nothing gets mentioned again. Unfinished.
The thought often prevails…If I don’t talk about it, it will just go away by itself.
It rarely does. We store these little unresolved snapshots in our head until they become full blown photo albums in our minds. As a result we feel weird with certain people, try to avoid them, or retreat into a cone of silence—our hearts unexposed. Unresolved.
Wisdom brings resolution to conflicts, unresolved feelings, and qualms.
A valuable bit of wisdom I have observed and learned from Wyndham is his commitment to bring anything unresolved to “real” resolution. Stating the obvious. Addressing the elephants parked in the living rooms. Speaking the truth in love.
In bringing resolution, a relevant scripture and heart felt prayer would open and close the discussions.
He would ask the person(s): What would resolution look like for you? What do you need in order to be resolved?
Then, conversations—with the backdrop of Jesus’ heart and attitudes as the goal in mind, would begin. The conversations, however difficult, had to be honest, or there could be no progress.
5 The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. (Proverbs 20:5 NIV 2011)
Words of resolution were always needed: Are you resolved? The situation at hand would beg the question: Does there need to be a heartfelt apology—as in… I am sorry. Please forgive me? If so, is the apology accepted? For real?
“I dunno” was never an acceptable answer to “what’s wrong?” This is a common answer, especially from kids to parents. Wyndham wouldn’t force our kids to reveal what was going on in their heart, but instead drew them out. This took time, and it took convincing that he was a safe place. Creating a safe place comes from reassurance, a listening ear, ability to relate, sharing how you understand, or want to understand, vulnerability, and unconditional love. At times, “I dunno,” is an excuse for not wanting to talk, while at other times the person may genuinely not know what is inside, and needs help figuring this out.
Never let feelings linger unresolved. If you can’t get something resolved, get help from a trusted (and spiritual) friend and adviser. Living rooms are much more livable when they are not inhabited by elephants. Vulnerability is hard, but brings freedom from deep inside. Jesus’ words and principles are always true, such as in John 8:32. …the truth will set you free.