Monthly Archives: July 2018

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 63

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Wisdom and Friendship

By Jack Frederick

It’s late, just after midnight. I’m sleepy, but I remember how I spent the day…I visited my old friend Wyndham, and his lovely wife, Jeanie. 

Wyndham has a few wrinkles on his brow, many of them put there by his friendship with me. I remember the times I hurt or disappointed him, and the times I made him laugh, the fish we caught together, the children we raised together, the poor we fed together, the disciples we made together, the times we cried over lost sleep and going out to find sheep who wandered. As I was about to lay down tonight I remembered the words of an eighteenth century hymn…

How sweet, how heav’nly is the sight,
When those that love the Lord
In one another’s peace delight,
And thus fulfill His Word.

The waterworks began to flow, unabated. I had held it together during our visit today, though my voice cracked here and there. We remembered stories together. I told him I kinda avoided the passage in Romans 16:16 where Paul told us to give one another a holy kiss, but I kissed him on his slightly balding head. I held his hand. I hugged him more than usual. I miss him. His physical health is waning; mine, too, but his change is more dramatic due to a difficult neurological disorder which robs his strength but not his amazing wisdom and insight. I have known brilliant men & women, lots of successful people, scholars and the like…but I’ve never known a man or woman so gifted in wisdom. The difference was always magnified by my inherent lack of wisdom; I always blamed it on growing up without a father to teach me, I felt like I was always ten years behind my age in wisdom while Wyndham was maybe 20+ years advanced. God gave me gifts, too, I was smart in a few things, I had the whole rocket scientist thing going on and I had passion & zeal, but wisdom would add depth I had never known.

James says of God, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5). That’s the way it was with Wyndham, I felt he was willing to be my friend, willing to teach me how to gain wisdom and “show me how” to apply this in life, yet he never made fun of me for what I lacked. And Wyndham was really lame when it came to things like mechanical stuff, working on cars; I would fix things for him just to get to spend time with him. He taught me, and brought out the gifts God had given me, helped me see these and use them.

Wyndham (& Jeanie) taught me (us) so much about working in the ministry, how to lead spiritually in churches and in our family. I was like Peter with Jesus, I wanted to learn but I did some dumb things; he was gracious, he rebuked me when I needed it, but I learned by walking with him. We were discipleship partners and friends. Our wives and children were close friends. Last year during our visit he grew weary and asked me to help him from his motorized chair into bed, not an easy thing. Then after I wrestled him onto the bed he said, “you gotta pull my shirt off”…a tight tee shirt, even more difficult with him lying down. It was difficult…and awkward…we began to laugh, then he began to cry as he said, “Jack, take care of my family.” Yes, I cried. I told him I would, but reminded him he might live longer than me… I stay up so late, drink Mountain Dew and eat fried chicken. I live life at breakneck speed, even though I’m old.

I thought about the hymn…
When each can feel his brother’s sigh
And with him bear a part;
When sorrow flows from eye to eye,
And joy from heart to heart.

I’ve shared things with my friend Wyndham, things I may have shared with no other person, because I trust him as a friend to always do what is best for me. I feel a deep sense of gratitude that God put such a friend in my life, to have such a beneficial impact in my life. I feel a sorrow because we are not often together, and because we are aging and face life-limiting health challenges.

One reason I go at the pace I do, to so many places and into so many lives, is because I feel I have been given so much. Not that God has made me a great person, but God has put into my life great men & women who shaped my life, Wyndham being just one…a very special one, but there are so many who bear responsibility for making me who I am, in good ways.

I am grateful for Wyndham & Jeanie, for their friendship and for their family which is like an extension of our family. My kids look at him as a second dad. I hope for each of you that God puts someone this amazing in your life, and I hope you have the courage to go for it and the humility to allow the potter to shape you…both God the potter and those He puts in your lives.

And one more thing: I’ve argued with Wyndham, maybe more than I’ve argued with anyone ever. As elders in a large church, a fellow elder Greg Nevil once called us on the carpet and asked to get together with us to work out things as he saw us wrangling with one another. Great relationships don’t happen because two people just naturally agree and get along. Great friendships are forged in the fires of trials and conflicts as we love one another, and love God so much we will not let go.

The poet Edgar Guest said, “it takes a heap o livin’, to make a house a home.” That is true of friendships, too.

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 62

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Wisdom Values the Dinner Table

Amazing connections happen at the dinner table, but only if we actually sit and talk at the table. Has the “art of the dinner table” been lost?

Wisdom values the dinner table. Or rather, what can happen around the table.

What happens at the dinner table? Unfortunately the atmosphere can too often include screens, complaining, anger, and a downright mess. But dinner tables done right build family, connect with others, create precious memories, and prayerfully  help the “diners” see God  in action, resulting in a desire to grow in relationship with him.

Our family, for many decades, has taken a week in the summer for family vacation. Since Wyndham can’t travel anymore, we did a “staycation” this week. It was fabulous, meaningful, and fun. We played, prayed, swam, did crazy Olympics, played tennis, corn hole, and gathered often around the dinner table. The crazy antics brought laughter and tears to Wyndham, as he watched. 

Jesus was a firm believer in sharing meals. In fact, Matthew 11:19 tells us that Jesus came eating and drinking.  He valued shared meals and realized the impact they have on all involved. He ate with sinners (Matthew 9:9-11), and invites us all to his feast (Matthew 22:4). He shared dinner with close friends (John 12:2), and in Luke 14  used the dinner table to teach valuable lessons.

Tonight, as our family of 17 gathered around the dinner table I asked the question…What happens at the dinner table? Here are some of their responses (both kids and adults):

We talk about the highs and lows of our days.

We celebrate birthdays and victories or encourage someone who is discouraged.

We laugh.

We listen to each other and find out how everyone is doing.

We encourage each other.

We talk about our schedules.

Sometimes we throw food (spoken for the 18-month-old).:

We have friends over to build relationships.

We meet new people.

We try new foods.

We pray.

Wyndham has always valued and protected our dinner table. Over the years we have built family around the dinner table. We’ve explored emotions. Laughed. Cried. Shared fears. Shared victories. Shared defeats. Truthfully, every mealtime wasn’t just like this. Sometimes they were hurried, sometimes someone was in a mood, or was distracted—but the sum of the times around the table added up to feelings of love, warmth, and family that linger with us.

Our dinner table has also seated many a neighbor or acquaintance, who often shared they had never before been invited to dinner with a neighbor. Many Bible studies began at the dinner table, resulting in changed lives.

Wanderers from the faith (mainly because of Wyndham’s persistent desire to see hearts restored to God) have felt loved, welcomed, and safe around the dinner table. I can think of numerous men and women who were helped back to God because of his commitment to use Monday evenings to have dinner with some who had wandered from their faith.

Something happens around the table as we connect with one other. The senses of taste, sound, smell, and sight somehow morph together to imprint our hearts, leaving us with a feeling of  love and belonging—family. Jesus knew this, and realized that sharing meals together would reveal hearts, melt hearts, and capture memories. He shared many such meals with his closest friends as well as strangers and sinners. These meals helped them never forget his love and call. We still remember him together through communion…which by definition is not an individual or solo activity.

Wisdom knows that the dinner table is powerful. It doesn’t have to be pretty to “do its thing.” But it must be filled with love.

May we all create such dinner tables as we follow Jesus’ example.

 

 

 

 

 

The Gift of Gloria

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A few years ago Gloria made a short video, “Understanding God’s Gifts,” where she spoke of her cancer as a gift. ( http://www.icochotnews.com/?q=node/2725.) While cancer has taken our dear friend and certainly doesn’t feel like a gift, I have a feeling that today Gloria sees it as a priceless gift—her vehicle to glory—a gift of inexpressible value.

I am also quite sure, though we grieve the loss of her physical presence, that we have received an amazing and valuable gift that will keep on giving—the “Gift of Gloria.” Gloria’s life was (and will continue to be) a gift. A testimony. A sermon. A source of comfort. An example. An upward call. A reminder. A smile producer. A reminder of all good things in Christ. An encouragement as we finish our race. A mentor. A friend…and much more. My eyes have shed many tears, as there will be a gap until I see my dear friend again—but my heart is full remembering beautiful, effervescent, radiant, and glorious Gloria.

Gloria’s life had the ripple effect, amidst joy and in suffering.

…and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  (Romans 5:2-5)

As Gloria, through God’s spirit, only let suffering cause her to grow in all these qualities, she (through God’s pitcher… as she so beautifully expressed) poured this love out onto countless others. As she poured out God’s love, the outpouring created a ripple effect—crossing oceans and spanning continents.

Several of her character qualities that stand out to me and have called me higher are:

  • Humility. Soon after I met Gloria, in the late 80’s, I remember being at a staff meeting with her in Lexington, Massachusetts. The staff had grown quickly, as many ministers migrated to Boston, and soon overwhelmed the little office building. The administrative staff struggled to get work done on Tuesdays (staff meeting days) because of the traffic of people wandering upstairs through their offices, especially to use the phones. (This was in the days before cell phones.) In response to this difficulty, the church installed a pay phone (yes, they were a thing back in the day) in the downstairs staff room. I remember Gloria (who was an elder’s wife by then), looking for a dime to make a call. One of the administrative staff told her that she was welcome at any time to use the upstairs phones. But Gloria used the downstairs pay phone. She would never want to be or cause one to stumble through any sense of entitlement. Gloria’s definition of leadership matched Jesus’ definition. Gloria always saw herself through her deep understanding of her personal discipleship—a servant of Jesus.

 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant,
and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else.
  For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45 NLT)

Gloria always saw herself as a servant of Jesus. No wonder she was so joyful!

  ‘…In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”  (Acts 20:35)

  • Laughter.  How her joy radiated. My first taste of this came soon after we moved to Boston. I don’t remember the occasion, but we were seated on stage at a Sunday service in the Boston Garden. Gloria’s chair had inadvertently been set up with the back legs of the chair too close to the back edge of the stage. Yes, in front of thousands of people (though we found out that amazingly many had missed the crazy happening) her chair went backward and she fell back, her legs flying in the air. Thankfully, she was not hurt at all and we laughed hard afterward. Gloria could laugh at herself, and she could find the joy in most any situation. I will miss laughing with Gloria. She would place herself with and beside those who were hurting and struggling—and help them find the peace and joy Jesus offers. Her life was surrendered to Jesus, leaving her with the freedom to laugh at the days to come…and to enjoy God’s sense of humor through his creation.

  • An expresser of the Word of life. Gloria always had a scripture on her heart. She knew that the power of God was expressed through his Word. She understood that the impact of her words came through God’s words. I can rarely recount a conversation with Gloria where scripture was not used. It  just flowed from her heart and through her lips. This scripture expresses well her heart.

Be blessed, GOD; train me in your ways of wise living.
  I’ll transfer to my lips all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
  I delight far more in what you tell me about living than in gathering a pile of riches.
  I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you, I attentively watch how you’ve done it.
  I relish everything you’ve told me of life, I won’t forget a word of it.
  Be generous with me and I’ll live a full life; not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
Open my eyes so I can see what you show me of your miracle-wonders. (Psalm 119:12-18 MSG)

Because of this, she offered hope. Solutions. She knew God was the fixer. She offered his words of life, without grumbling. Yes, she shined like the stars in the sky as she firmly held to the Word of life. She certainly did not run or labor in vain. Countless lives testify to this truth.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing,
  so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky
as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. (Philippians 2:14-16)

  • A learner. Gloria knew a lot. However, she never felt she had it all wrapped up. Gloria was always eager to learn. Her pursuit of growth, her study of the Word, her sharing of weaknesses and ways she longed to grow, her vulnerability, her listening ear—all testified to her eagerness to learn. Suffering taught her. Things gone awry taught her. Joy taught her. Trials taught her. Children taught her. The newest Christian taught her. A struggling Christian taught her. Life taught her. I believe this heart to learn kept her spirit exuberant. She awaited the new treasures of wisdom God had in store each day. Learning was great, because not only did she draw closer to the heart of God, but she had more to give! And giving was her life.
  • A friend, mentor, and confidante. Now my tears flow. Gloria was my friend. She cared about my life. She asked about my life. She cried with me. She prayed with me. She laughed with me. She added flavor and zest to life. I confided in her, as she was a safe place. But as a true friend, she did likewise with me. Gloria was authentic. As a daughter of God, a wife, mother, Nonna, sister, friend…and many other roles, she was the real deal. The heart of her husband trusted in her. Her children and grandchildren have risen up and called her blessed. 

Gloria will forever live in my heart, and I know I am one of many who share this sentiment. I’m grateful, Gloria, that you know I feel this way about you. I so wish I could celebrate your life with many others next week, but I can’t leave home now. You know that, and would advise me such. We miss your physical presence deeply, glorious Gloria, but now thrill that you are with him in Paradise. This is what you lived for, and you did it! You have finished the race. You did not stumble in, but in the words of Hunter Thompson…

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, “Wow! What a ride!”

And more spiritually stated by the Apostle Paul,

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.
And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7-8 NLT)

You have finished well, dear Gloria. I’ll see you later, my friend. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your example, Thank you for your life. It’s changed mine.

 

 

 

 

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 61

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Wisdom Remembers God is at Work

It’s good to be reminded of modern day miracles. Changed lives.

These two “miracles” brought us lobster rolls a few days ago, which were delicious. Even more satisfying, however, was the reminder of God at work changing lives. Bill and Lara are friends, and also “kids” of some long-time friends. They came to visit Wyndham. Bill thanked him for changing his life. Truth is, Wyndham didn’t change his life, but what he shared with him did.

Wisdom reminds us that God’s word does not return void. Period.

8  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
9  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11  so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:8-11)

Lara had been raised in a wonderful Christian family and became a Christian while a teenager but wandered from God when she went off to college. During this time, she met this guy, Bill, and fell in love. He had no real knowledge of the Bible or any semblance of the lifestyle of a disciple. Though Lara had let go of her “first love” with God, she knew she wanted a relationship like her parents. So, when they became engaged to be married she asked Wyndham if he would perform their wedding. He was happy to do oblige but insisted that they do some pre-marriage counseling with us beforehand. We explained that we believe a marriage needs to be built on a strong foundation (with God as the architect) in order to thrive and withstand the challenges that come with life. Thus, we would use the Bible as we met together to talk about marriage and their lives.

Bill was captivated by the Scriptures, and asked Wyndham to study the Bible with him. The Scriptures came to life before his eyes. He desired to change his life and follow Jesus. His excitement over the Scriptures and his learning how to build a relationship with Jesus reminded Lara of what she knew was true and right. His zeal was contagious…and she recaptured her love for God. A few weeks before their wedding Bill was baptized, and Lara was restored to the church.

Today they are strong disciples, teaching their young children the realness of God and love for the Bible. Seeing Bill’s changed life (even though they now live in another state) and the strength of their marriage and family impacted his mother in a great way, and she was recently baptized. He has great vision for all of his family.

Sometimes I get stuck and wonder how things can change. Other times I get discouraged and feel like miracles are out of reach, or only meant for others.

Wisdom remembers that everywhere the Word of God goes and is implanted, lives change. If you feel like you don’t know what to say or what to do, don’t worry. Read the Bible. Share the Bible. It’s powerful to change lives, and reawaken hearts grown cold. Ours and others.

Never underestimate the power of God and his word.

 

 

Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 60

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Wisdom Searches

We hope you have a happy 4th of July (no matter where you live). I’m taking a break from posting an article today, while continuing the now six- hour search for my car keys. It will be wise to continue looking, as they will be pricey to replace.

I’ve searched all the likely places, as well as the unlikely ones. I’ve searched the “ripe” trash, and have even searched in the freezer. They are somewhere, I just don’t know where.

I’m eternally grateful God sees us as valuable treasures..and searches for all who are seeking him. He never quits searching. He searches the freezer and the trash of our lives, looking for hearts that seek him. When we find him, he keeps seeking us out, as his desire is to support us throughout our life of service to him. What an amazing God.

I pray I find my car keys, but even more I pray to always seek God’s face.

“And you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve him with single mind and willing heart; for the LORD searches every mind, and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will abandon you forever. (1 Chronicles 28:9 NRSV)

 
“The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”  (2 Chronicles 16:9a NLT)